There is no secret to the fact that I am training. In fact it has more or less taken over my life. I share my frustration, my fear, my pain as I know so many others struggle, like I do almost everyday, to stay focused on their goals. It is often so hard to see the reason why we are suffering today when the reason, for me at least, may be many months away.

Luckily I got to race bikes today. A sweet little snow bike race in Crested Butte, Co. Haven’t raced since the Vapor Trail 125 in September. Too long, way too long. I just love racing. Does not matter if I do good or blow up, I almost always end up smiling. Makes me happy to have tried, to have worked myself hard and spent some time with my racing friends. 

Today’s race was a blast. Great course, thanks to CB Nordic!!! Nice weather, some great fun loving folks. It was a great chance to test my fitness, but really to have fun and participate in this fledgling format of bike racing. I rode hard, it was awesome. I managed to cross the finish line first. Oh yeah that feels good, so good, so damn good. Glad all the hard work, all the aches and pains, all the early morning trainer rides, the bleak, cold, after sunset rides are for something after all and perhaps that something is working.

Keep trying, reaching and loving what you are doing…I know I am! 

Despite waking up grumpy, working all day and having half my lunch stolen by one of my dogs…the day turned around for me.

Went out for a snow bike ride. All by myself. Plenty of tire tracks to ride. Lots and lots of bunnies scurrying to and fro. One very large golden eagle sitting atop a huge Dug Fir. Deer, elk, rabbit and coyote tracks crisscrossed the road seemingly everywhere.

Sun affected snow formed giant hoar frost crystals across fields of sage stretching for miles and miles.

Golden rays of the setting sun bringing it all a glow. Making the last moments of day radiate with the glory of life and being alive.

Grumpy is Gone, Thank You Universe….So Very Grateful Indeed

Woke up late this morning. Not that it mattered as I wasn’t working today, or perhaps it really does matter? Thing is often when I sleep in my motivation evaporates. Poof gone, focus is lost, precious hours slip by under utilized. I tend to squander the day, getting only half the errands I wrote down on my list actually done, putting it all off for another day. The problem is that I feel guilty for not making use of those hours, not being outside pursuing adventure.

I like to think of myself as being self motivated. The pure burning desire from within powering me along my chosen path. I try, I really really try, but the truth is I falter, I slip, I forget what it is I am trying to do and why. So very hard to keep an intense laser focus every day, day after day. Still that is what I expect of myself, stick to the plan, be good, reach for perfection damn it!

All day today I watched the daylight hours, the only semi-warm hours of the day, roll on past me, like I was frozen in time. I did get some stuff done, paid some bills, did laundry, got some groceries, walked the dogs a couple times, cleaned the house. Good deeds, but nothing that satisfies me in the least. As I debated drinking beer instead of doing anything else, I caught the pink fire of an amazing sunset from my window. Suddenly my mind flipped, captivated I stood in awe as the color slowly faded into gray. I immediately went inside and got on the trainer watching Colorado Trail Race videos the whole time. I got off the trainer and did my circuit work out, burning through the reps, making it hurt, breathing hard.

Sometimes we all need some inspiration, outside motivation. If I wasn’t being “coached” and feeling like I “had” to do something today, I would have done jack shit and it that would have weighed heavy on me, bothering me for days. Instead I pushed myself, got the blood pumping, feeling the best I have felt all day. Watching that sunset, even watching some video from the past 7 years of CTR really got inside my head. There is more to do, moments to reach for, limits to push. A whole lot of potential out there to unleash. Huge Thanks to those that are out there, reaching, trying, working, loving and striving for more. I appreciate the love of what we all try to do and blood, sweat and tears it takes to get it done, you are all amazing, you are all my rock, keep on keeping on!

Having lived in the Gunnison Valley for over 20 years I have seen many tough winters. They are all hard, seems that winter really is a synonym for harsh, hard, brutal. I know they can also be fun, lovely, down right gorgeous. To me those moments tend to be more fleeting, while the cold reality of this season hangs over my head. In Gunny it is always cold.

wind cold and snow…. undeniable

The moment that winter slams the door shut on fall varies from year to year. We got some early snow fall that stuck mostly up high giving the true ski heads plenty to keep them busy. Yet down lower, the sun continued to rise up strong and wonderful, melting snow, warming the air, prolonging the magical period of time one could be outside without fear of losing fingers and toes.It was an awesome fall, rode a ton, hiked the dogs a bunch, glorious really.

glorious, just glorious

the family goes hiking

The harshness of winter recently crash landed into my wonderful fall cycling party. I am not one to give up easy and have been fighting to ride the bike outside every chance I could. About a week ago the season switch was thrown. The snow came and didn’t melt, the temperatures dropped and dropped and dropped, the roads became a glazed over with a perfect polished layer of ice. Now it was snow biking or the trainer.

still glorious, just a lot colder

Fact is I love to be outside. Being outside makes me a happier, better, more peaceful person. The days have gotten shorter and shorter, the nicer parts of the day when the sun’s magical light manages to warm the skin, I am usually at work. This is when I start to get that crazy, cabin fever feeling.

my very important fat friend

This winter I am aiming not only for keeping myself somewhat sane, but to also come out the other side in better shape than ever before. Nothing worthwhile is easy, there are no exceptions here. Spinning on the trainer this morning I realized there is much of this in store for me in the next 3 to 4 months, that fact is a little heart breaking. To follow the plan, to stay on target, riding the road to nowhere is somewhat unavoidable. Still I need to remind, even force myself to ski more, run a bit, and of course ride the snow bike and hike with the dogs, get outside every chance I get, seek that sunshine anyway I can. It is gonna be an interesting season, hope we can all keep the faith.

come on…smile…snow is Fun!

The past few weeks have been an interesting experience. There has been so much learning, trying, hurting. Hitting the wall more than a few times, wondering why, being frustrated, wondering why some more. Lots of road riding, lots of trainer riding, evil little intervals with clever little names. So many firsts for me, single leg pedaling, simple spinning, over/unders, tempo, big gear mashes. I am trying to adapt, but I am so used to just riding. Riding far, short, easy, hard, but always riding how I want to ride. Quite honestly, riding for fun.

Now I spend much time out spinning on the road or riding the road to nowhere, ie the trainer, and I have had lots of time to think about the why. Why suffer, why do things you dread doing, why ride rides you don’t really want to do? The why is this, I have desires, a heart strong desire to see what is inside me, to really try, reach and try even harder. To unlock my own potential, whatever it may be.

Still there are moments when the reasons don’t fully add up, leaving doubt lingering around looking for trouble.

This morning I had this wild crazy workout to do. A series of structured pain stimulators all mixed in together adding up to almost three hours total. No freaking way I was going to do this on the trainer, I just am not ready to spend that much time on the road to nowhere. Yet there is no denying that it snowed all night. Adapt, Jefe, adapt. So out on the Pigsley I go. Only the snow is crazy. Crusty old snow, soft funky new snow, flat light and wind driven snow slashing into my eyes, freezing to my glasses. I really can’t see shit. I keep drifting, losing the rear wheel, laying the bike down.

“How the hell am I supposed to do intervals in this shit?”

I keep trying, but I can not keep an constant rhythm, a constant level of exertion. Next thing I know I adapt again. I jump off the bike and run, pushing those giant tires through the dense heavy drifts. With legs screaming, lungs gasping and heart pounding I must be doing something right? Up and down the trail, round and round in a little loop trying to pack out enough snow to make it ride-able. Staring at the watch, clicking off interval after interval. It feels good to try, but I wonder if I am just wasting my time? I have never done this before, not ever, especially not in December, with important races months and months away. Still I remind myself, give over to the program, give it everything you have. Again doubt rears it’s ugly head and I wonder about the tired dead feeling in my legs, the waking up every morning feeling tired, the getting sick last week and missing out on Thanksgiving. What am I doing?

Every year I get to a races and wish I had done more. Trained more, stretched more, ate better, always wanting to have worked harder. That is what I am doing, right now, working harder, pushing myself, perhaps pushing the parameters of my limits. Instead of wondering “What If” I want to see IF it works. There is always more to do, still to take it to take it to the next level will be a dream come true. If I fail, well, shit I tried and hopefully I learned what to do better next time. For one thing I have learned living with myself for 40 something years…there will be a next time.

Now I just need to keep this stoke fresh when reminding myself to get up at 5:AM to ride the trainer before work…..

Keep on keeping on….The time is NOW!

It has become somewhat cliche to write about thankfulness, things we normally take for granted and are willing to recognize as worthy. Still it is important to take a step back and take stock of what makes today good, the future compelling, to acknowledge that we are humbled by life and it’s challenges and need some help from time to time.

I suffer from being a perfectionist. I often see faults, cracks, fibs and lies before I see the beauty, the glory, the wonder. I am driven to seek more, and somewhat expect that of everyone else. It clouds my eyes, my vision so that I forget to appreciate the little things that are so perfect, so kind, so wonderful. Still my heart is filled with warmth and life has taught me many a lesson, perhaps the most important is being grateful, thankful and taking the time and effort to voice these gratitude’s.

So many things I am thankful for are due to the experience of being without them.

I am so thankful for being healthy. Right now I am fighting some silly little cold and it crushes me to be less than say 80%. Having spent normal amounts of time being injured, sick, in the hospital, I can not imagine the faith and courage it must take to fight off something long term and awful, like cancer, AIDS, on and on. True Grit right there. Be strong, fight on!

I am thankful for happiness, drive, having dreams big enough to keep me fighting trying, dreaming even more. I have been down at the bottom, soaked to the bone with sadness, not really wanting to be in existence anymore. I never want to go there again and am stoked to be far far away from it most of the time.

I am grateful for my great friends, employers, the great communities I live in. There are some wonderful people out there and I happen to know a good many. They can make the hard days better, the effort worth while. They also challenge me when I want only to be coddled and congratulated. Good friends bring out the best in us all.

I am blessed to have had many amazing adventures, experiences, thoughts and dreams. I am rarely bored, for this I am endlessly thankful. There is so much to do, to learn, to constantly challenge oneself with. Not easy to remember, to keep in mind all the time, got to live like you want to live!

Believe it or not but I am grateful for my two crazy little dogs. While they drive me almost completely nuts, they also greet me everyday with an intense excitement that is contagious. Always ready for action, seeking more adventure, more fun, more love. Seems I could learn a few things right there.

There is much more I am thankful for, like flowers, beautiful women, bike rides, sunsets, stars, phases of the moon, good food, adorable children, cute babies, sunny days, curious cats, tasty gluten free beer…endless really, for I am thankful for life, being alive, seeking to live, and life is full of many things wonderful. Sure there is plenty of stuff that sucks, but it is what you take from it, what you choose to live, surround yourself with that makes it worth savoring. Thank you Universe, thanks for everything!

I am a frustrated human. It is a struggle to find my place in this vessel. I sometimes wish I was more dog like, carefree and ready for action without thought. Or perhaps a warm blooded robot, capable of focusing on the task at hand. Yet there are things that we humans can do that I don’t see in other life forms.  Do any other creatures get that warm fuzzy feeling being with someone special, find it impossible not to stare endlessly at the setting sun or a star filled night. Are there other life forms that get the same pure wonderful joy of carving singletrack or skiing powder? That can thrive upon dreams of adventure, thoughts of love, new ideas, future inventions?

My problem with being human is weakness. Everyday I am confronted with my own weakness, my own desire to be satiated, satisfied, loved, and the compromises it takes to dull the ache of such wanting. For, on the other hand, I wish so much that I could put forth complete stoic focus. Dedicate myself and all my actions towards my goals. Not getting sidetracked, not getting distracted, getting drunk, staying up too late, losing focus on the big dreams that lurk in side my heart. Instead I falter from the line I set forth, I swerve off the path I have chosen.

This morning I woke up feeling like shit. Still I walked the dogs and started to do my cycling workout for the morning. Isolated leg training, alternating one leg at a time. I got super frustrated, it was so hard. My right leg just couldn’t do what I asked it to do, it just flailed around terribly. I was tired. Too tired. I want this, I need this. Yet weakness had infiltrated my body. I had to stop, went back to bed till having to go to work.

I feel so let down by myself. I do not want to back down, I do not want to miss any chance to get stronger, faster, to apply energy to my goals. Perhaps I am working too much, trying to save some money for the coming summer’s adventures. Perhaps I should spend less time on the computer, searching, writing, and yes that damn Facebooking, more time sleeping, stretching, resting. Maybe I should stop drinking beer, eating sugar and fried food. I see weakness everywhere I look. I am shamed by how much of it surrounds me, lives with me and even satisfies me.

There is no easy answer. I need to keep working, pretty much have to work two jobs. I must walk the dogs, and truthfully need to do this more. But I will not stop training, no matter how much it hurts. Yet something has to give, there are only so many hours in the day, days in the week. Keep taking it all apart in my head, seeking the lost time, where does it go? Like everything, it is a process. It isn’t going to reach an end today, or tomorrow, perhaps ever. No matter how much that frustrates me, just gotta keep trying, reaching, dreaming. There might be some more good parts of being human, not giving up easily is one I need to focus on.

After work today I still had a 4 hour ride lingering on my horizon. Fudge, I am tired, really want to curl up and take a nap. Instead I roll out onto the highway into the wind, with a few drifting snowflakes floating past. I get into the rhythm of my spinning pedals, looking into the future, yet feeling very much in the now. Really enjoying the fast cruising on the skinny tires, using the drops to fly even with a headwind. I turn off Hwy 50, onto 149 and begin to climb.

“OK, maybe I’m a little cold”

Shortly after deciding “I Am Going to climb to the top of 9 Mile”, the wind picks up, the scattered snowflakes get thicker and heavier. Thing is once I am determined I can be stubborn to the point of stupidity. On up I climb. The road rolls by, as I gain altitude the snow gets thicker, the wind stronger. My face feels frozen stiff, my toes begin to tingle with the reality of riding through a winter storm. Just keep pedaling…..and I make it to the top. Hell Yes!

might be time to lose some elevation?

Now the snow is starting to stick. I lock up the brakes and find that the traction is just still fine. Ok time to point it down! As always the wind blows back at me as I attempt to descend effortlessly. Not on 9 Mile, I swear, it is never a free ride. Instead I stay in the drops, hover over my saddle and hammer into the wind. My legs scream with the effort. “Shut Up Legs” and just keep pedaling! Have to admit this whole road bike thing is starting to click into place. Despite the burn, I am loving this, I love this little steel machine!

Miss Woodrup, adventurer extraordinaire

I crank into town rolling on a tailwind. A good ride, but at just over 3 hours, it is not enough. I think of the trainer waiting at home, and instead turn onto Gold Basin Road, into the snow and the heavy clouded darkness. A bit more road, a bit more climbing till I hit dirt and then turn and hammer on home. My toes are about frozen, my cheeks feel raw. I make it home, throw the bike into the trainer and finish up the last half hour on the road to nowhere. Oh how slow the time goes on the trainer. Yet my thoughts drift off into the worlds of why I am doing this. Why I went out to ride, when I really wanted and would usually have taken, a nap. The easy road is a thing of the past. I have big dreams and big dreams require dedication and devotion. Sounds kind of hard core, but really, I think it is Love!

…cause life is too short to stay inside….

I used to work two jobs. For years I cooked food and worked on bikes. This past April I simplified it to just bikes, I was burned out on the wild crazy ride of working food service and wanted to really give bike racing everything I had. It was a good summer. I rode more, rested more, and raced and raced. It was pretty damn fun. It was also hard, my income was more or less chopped in half. I did more “pay for races” than I have in years. Racing is expensive, entry fees, traveling, food, time off work, bike maintenance, it adds up quick. Basically all summer I was broke. About three days before payday I would look in my wallet and see no cash, I’d look in my bank account and see zeros there too. Every month, twice a month, I’d realize I had nothing, nothing at all. But shit it was all for the glory of racing….right?

Now it is becoming winter, so called off season for cyclists. But instead of chilling out, getting fat, maybe doing some skiing, I am chomping at the bit. Seems the bastard of late, the Tour Divide has come calling to me again. Some part of me thought it was a done deal, checked off the list and leaving me cleared to just move on. Yet there is some unfinished business out there, oh I crave it, want it and now it is embedded in my head festering. Only I want ot be smarter, better, stronger. I have had a long held desire to get after this whole bike racing thing with more focus, more science, more experience. With some help from Coach Andy, it is now it is happening.

Enter reality. I am still broke and yet my head is filled with so many bike race dreams. What’s a working guy to do. Work more!

I am picking up shifts in the kitchen. I need the money and it is easy to slide back in there and make it happen. Plus I miss cooking. Food is a wonderful way to make people happy. I like that, I like to make people happy, I really do like to cook! So I am back to working two jobs, bikes and food. Plus I am training 15-19 hours a week. Makes for a busy day some days. Today I got up at 3:AM, checked my heart rate, checked it again. Got dressed and walked the dogs. Went to work for 10 hours of mostly running in tight little circles in the kitchen. It was pretty busy and it was pretty damn fun. Rode home, ate lunch, walked the dogs again. Got suited up and rode into the wind for 12 miles and flew home into the gorgeous sunset. Still needed more spinning, so onto the trainer for more. Thank goodness for music as an hour and forty minutes becomes a long time on the road to nowhere.

Riding the trainer this evening I thought about it a lot, there are 168 hours in a week. What we do with these hours is what makes us what we are. It seems like so much time, yet it goes by so fast and those precious minutes are never where you need them. How to maximize this time, how to make a living, how to save money to race down the continental divide and somehow still spend time with my friends, play with my dogs and train the way I hope and dream of doing, is a tough recipe I don’t have figured out quite yet. The only answer I see is keep on doing it, everyday, keep the dream alive, keep focused and determination will make it happen. Today was a busy day, there are many, many more to come.

cold feet, warm heart

sweet sunset blues

It started November 1st. A schedule, a regiment, everyday there was something I was supposed to do. Although it hurt, left me sore, super tired and even grumpy, I did my best to comply. After all I am doing this for me, to assist me in attaining my goals, chasing my dreams.

riding my bike just feels right

Today is my first scheduled day off from training. I also have the day off of work. Just allowed to do an easy walk with the dogs, some mellow stretching, staying off my feet, maybe take a nap, work on getting my fat bike rolling. Have to admit it feels weird. After two plus weeks of cramming in so much riding, rushing to do ab and legs workouts in between working, playing with my dogs, having a social life, oh wait I don’t have a social life! It feels down right strange to not ride my bike today, really feels like something is missing.

but we want to go ride!

My bikes are looking a little sad over there. “What? We have to stay inside today? All Day?” After my ride yesterday I know I could use the time off, my legs screamed with pain every time I stood up and put power to the pedals. Have to say I am pretty excited about what this structure is doing for me, I can feel my body getting stronger and my mind hungry for more. Surprises me how much I want more…gonna be a fun, hard winter.