The past few weeks have been an interesting experience. There has been so much learning, trying, hurting. Hitting the wall more than a few times, wondering why, being frustrated, wondering why some more. Lots of road riding, lots of trainer riding, evil little intervals with clever little names. So many firsts for me, single leg pedaling, simple spinning, over/unders, tempo, big gear mashes. I am trying to adapt, but I am so used to just riding. Riding far, short, easy, hard, but always riding how I want to ride. Quite honestly, riding for fun.

Now I spend much time out spinning on the road or riding the road to nowhere, ie the trainer, and I have had lots of time to think about the why. Why suffer, why do things you dread doing, why ride rides you don’t really want to do? The why is this, I have desires, a heart strong desire to see what is inside me, to really try, reach and try even harder. To unlock my own potential, whatever it may be.

Still there are moments when the reasons don’t fully add up, leaving doubt lingering around looking for trouble.

This morning I had this wild crazy workout to do. A series of structured pain stimulators all mixed in together adding up to almost three hours total. No freaking way I was going to do this on the trainer, I just am not ready to spend that much time on the road to nowhere. Yet there is no denying that it snowed all night. Adapt, Jefe, adapt. So out on the Pigsley I go. Only the snow is crazy. Crusty old snow, soft funky new snow, flat light and wind driven snow slashing into my eyes, freezing to my glasses. I really can’t see shit. I keep drifting, losing the rear wheel, laying the bike down.

“How the hell am I supposed to do intervals in this shit?”

I keep trying, but I can not keep an constant rhythm, a constant level of exertion. Next thing I know I adapt again. I jump off the bike and run, pushing those giant tires through the dense heavy drifts. With legs screaming, lungs gasping and heart pounding I must be doing something right? Up and down the trail, round and round in a little loop trying to pack out enough snow to make it ride-able. Staring at the watch, clicking off interval after interval. It feels good to try, but I wonder if I am just wasting my time? I have never done this before, not ever, especially not in December, with important races months and months away. Still I remind myself, give over to the program, give it everything you have. Again doubt rears it’s ugly head and I wonder about the tired dead feeling in my legs, the waking up every morning feeling tired, the getting sick last week and missing out on Thanksgiving. What am I doing?

Every year I get to a races and wish I had done more. Trained more, stretched more, ate better, always wanting to have worked harder. That is what I am doing, right now, working harder, pushing myself, perhaps pushing the parameters of my limits. Instead of wondering “What If” I want to see IF it works. There is always more to do, still to take it to take it to the next level will be a dream come true. If I fail, well, shit I tried and hopefully I learned what to do better next time. For one thing I have learned living with myself for 40 something years…there will be a next time.

Now I just need to keep this stoke fresh when reminding myself to get up at 5:AM to ride the trainer before work…..

Keep on keeping on….The time is NOW!