So Much stuff is happening, (and yet there’s not much(glamour) to report….
I will say it out loud, on the internet, and proclaim it hi and low, having a baby and raising a child are way freaking harder than I had ever imagined. I’ve been around kids, parents, etc, and I have a pretty good imagination, but there is nothing like the reality shift of a brand new human arriving and coming to live with you. Its amazing, love beyond words aches from my heart. I have never loved someone like I love my daughter. It is truly special and amazing. Yet it is also so hard. I cook food all day from 3:AM to 1:AM some days, then I come home and be a dad all afternoon and cook dinner for 8:pm sit down. Its a lot. I get up at all hours of the night, almost everynight, it never stops, that is why it is so hard, any endurance event you can stop, turn it off, come back to neutral. With a child, its non stop. It is often a long, long day, and without any recreation. Go to bed, Work, Be A Dad, Go To Bed and do it again, and again….and thats the thing thats so crazy about this adventure, it never stops, it never ends. Kinda like a perpetual 24 hour race….
Yet I am not satisfied with that! No, working non stop, raising a little girl, being a husband, taking care of two dogs, and taking care of a 140 year old house was not enough! I Want More!!!
So for a start, I’m gonna take on the whole AZT. Yes, finally I’m gonna ride the complete bike-able Arizona Trail in April of 2020. The race has moved to October, but April works much better for me. The elusive AZT 800 is in my sights, oh I am so excited, so scared, so invigorated, and overwhelmed. There is no time, I can barely get out for 5 hours a week of riding. I can barely escape to the garage to maintain the family’s bikes, much less make new gear, yet here we go.
I have to admit that everyday life is so much load that I almost crumble once a week and fold under the pressure. I’m not kidding. It really is hard to manage all the things and still see straight. There are times when I get frustrated and feel like maybe it is all too much and I should just focus on being a dad and providing for my family, you know making money. I hit this very wall all the time. It hurts inside, as you see your own dreams getting chewed up and eaten, there is only so much time and energy. Yet I just dig a bit deeper and find more juice to keep doing the mandatory thing and still push for tomorrow’s dreams.
I have no idea how I will train sufficiently, or buy the parts and gear I need, or find time to sew new bags, but I’m in!!! It will happen as it will, at this point if The Family says Yes! Then I’m gonna do it even if I’m not ready, trained or prepared. Cause life’s clock is still ticking, it never stops and theres still so much I want to do. For one: my spirit commands that I live life thru these experiences, and two; I want to show my daughter that life isn’t easy, but you can always find a way to live your dreams.
There’s more to come on the fuck-it-why-not-add-this-too list, but thats it for now.
Keep getting out there, keep loving, living and finding your own way!!!