I am a cyclist, I love bikes, but really I am and perhaps will always be a mountain biker. I like the quiet solitude of riding trails in the woods, the wonder of slaloming cactus in desert, cruising up above treeline seeing things from the top of the world. It all brings me joy like nothing else on earth. Yet I do like riding my bike enough that dirt roads, bike paths and pavement can make me smile as well. Something about spinning those pedals, watching the landscape roll by, seeing places under my own power, feeling my heart, my lungs, my legs work to propel me forward.

To this day I have ridden a road bike maybe three times in my life, not including 5 minute test rides at work. I mean if I had the money I would have more bikes than spoons and forks combined. I love bikes! Yet I am usually broke and dreaming of some adventure that I really can’t afford, so a road bike is not at the top of the list, not even close. Now with this whole structured training thing I have immersed myself in I have found myself leaning towards riding the road. So much easier to control your speed, effort, distance, heart rate riding on the road. Duh, I mean I know that most mountain bike pros ride road bikes a good bit of the time, first hand experience made this make more sense.

Luckily I have some great friends, one of them happens to be my boss, DaveMoe! He has a bike problem of sorts, after 30+ years of being a bike shop owner, bike racer, bike geek, he has ended up with a few dusty old bikes sitting idle. A few new parts, a few hours of tinkering and the Woodrup is back on the road. I didn’t waste anytime after getting her road ready to head out for a ride. Sure it snowed last night, sure it was supposed to snow some more, damn it I had a new toy to play with!

The weather starts out fine, cool, cloudy, touch of wet pavement here and there. I roll east on Hwy 50, feeling great, smiling having fun cruising along. I peal off the highway at Parlin as bits of snow begin to cascade on down across the picturesque ranching valley. I make it to Ohio City, the road is still pretty clear and dry. I keep rolling with the intent of turning around at Pitkin. Soon as I leave Ohio City the wind begins drive the snow sideways, bringing a sting to the precipitation. Still I pedal on. Soon the road begins to hold snow, a bit here and there, then an inch, then a couple inches. Suddenly my back tire is slipping out when I stand up. Visibility is getting to be down right sketchy, Ok time to turn around.

still smiling

The wind is driving right into my face, freezing my forehead. My back tire keeps drifting sideways in the frozen slushy ruts. I laugh out loud. I just might be insane, slipping all over the road, freezing cold, laughing aloud. I just love it. Once back down a few miles the road is still mostly clear, but the wind fights me all the way home. Ten miles from Gunny my bravado is replaced by frozen toes and cheeks, my hands hurt and I am bonking. Nothing to do but ride till the ride is over. I make it home and my ass is fully kicked. Got to admit road riding is quite an adventure after all. Me and Miss Woodrup are going to have some serious fun together, can’t wait.

Woodrup Road Warrior

Dreaming and training, or is it training and dreaming? Been doing a lot of these lately. Starting to feel recovered from the season of racing and feeling the deep rooted desire to get after it again. Only it isn’t a nice comfortable desire to get out there and have some fun, I get this obsessive need to do things. Tonight riding the road to nowhere, ie my trainer, I kept thinking about all the races I want to do. There are so many, so many that I can not do them all in one season, perhaps in this lifetime? Thing is I felt good tonight. This feeling makes me want to take on more, to dream big, bigger. This is a dangerous habit.

I have a problem with obsession. I get things in my head and they take a seat, make themselves some tea and stay here. Constantly in my thoughts, getting in the way of everyday needs to think straight, clogging up my life with tiny lists of thoughts and ideas. Simply not enough to dream and dream, I get overloaded and need to DO and DO. If only my dreams were small and easy, alas they are not. I want to do bigger and bigger races, and more of them. Oh why do I complicate my life? Keep thinking I will get over all this and settle in, chill out. It is not happening.

The whole new world of structured training has been a hard adjustment to make. This morning I did not want to get up out of bed, so I did only half of my work outs, did the other half this evening. My lack of time management has been called to the front row and I am trying to address it. I have been feeling soreness in muscles I never met before, dropping tools at work has never had such consequences. Riding my bike 3 blocks on flat ground has made me cringe with the pain of dead legs. I am tired, just tired. None the less I am addicted to it, I can sense the changes coming about inside me, mental and physical. I am excited to dedicate myself to this, I really am.

The problem is that I want more than I can chew. I need this want. The dreams of taking on great and wonderful challenges and the potential of working harder than ever to get stronger and faster, leaves me wanting, wanting more. Where do limits come from and how to exceed them? I am not willing to limit myself, but how do I overcome that? How do I get over the normal everyday, the need to pay for all of it, to make life happen in between the lines? That is my now. All of it, all at once. Damn it the obsession has taken root, the thoughts are filled with dreams, the days are filled with training, work, more training. I am excited to see where this takes me. A few things are certain, more training and more dreaming…

Had such a great ride yesterday that the feeling got the best of me. Wanted to repeat that wonderfulness again today. So I planned a loop in my head, without looking too close at a map or anything smart, besides I knew it all, just never ridden it all together. Just packed up my bike and went for it.

views in every direction

The first 20 miles fly by on smooth level pavement. I feel great, the bike is smooth and fast, the air is warm and calm. I hit dirt, turn south and for the first time notice the wind. The crunching gravel, the rolling climbs and the wind make me suddenly feel like I am dragging an anchor behind me. Damn what happened to that glorious feeling of flying that was my company yesterday? Still I crank the pedals, even trying to throw in a few hard efforts here and there. Then I really feel it, the hot lead filling up my legs, the tired-lack-of-punch deadness of feeling a bit cooked. The clock is ticking, the low November sun getting lower, I have no time for going slow.

La Garitas

snow…and mud

I try and keep a good pace, I try and hammer the hills. Oh it aches, it hurts, my heart rate bounces all over the place. I feel that “damn I suck” feeling welling up. Why am I such a putz, such a wimp? Why does doubt always challenge me in these moments? With things like the TD in my head I am ashamed at being this easily fatigued. “Suck it up Buttercup” I tell myself, get after this Now! The sun is casting huge shadows, hiding behind the dark timber. I climb the last few steep little climbs, I eat my last morsel of food, put on my reserve layers and point it home. Somehow I manage to keep the throttle mashed all the way home. Standing up out of the saddle, giving it all I have, racing the setting sun. Tired, cold and drained from the day I arrive at home. The GPS tells me it was 66.6 miles today,,,hmm, no wonder. Despite feeling low and slow I managed to average 12.4 mph…Ok, Ok, I can live with that!

still have 15 miles to home….

Had a whole Saturday off from work, made it amazing with a great ride. Started with a bit of pavement, then dirt roads for miles and miles. Traveling through a very off the beaten track part of Colorado, once turning onto dirt I saw maybe 5 cars? No towns, no traffic, just sage hills, snow capped mountains, quaky aspens, patches of dark timber and bright sunshine! The air was clean and clear, the wind calm, the sun friendly and warm. Such an amazing day to be pedaling around, seeing places I haven’t seen in years. Yet somehow remembering intersections like it was just yesterday.

frozen water…oh yeah it is November!

grandfather…sawtooth mountain

Today was the same scheduled ride as last Sunday where I struggled to find rhythm, to see the purpose in mellow, easy pedaling. I hit the wall last week wondering why I was not just riding, crushing myself, carving singletrack. Today it felt like perfection. Not working too hard, not hammering away at the pedals, instead taking in the view, loving the world I was passing through, remembering the adventures that brought me here before.

looking north at the West Elks…

Eventually I made my way through Hartman’s, still taking dirt roads being reasonably chill, watching the sun get real low on the western horizon. The rolling sage hills, the abrupt snowy Elk Mountains caught the fading sunlight with such beauty I had to keep stopping to take pictures, to absorb the moment. Truly can’t describe how wonderful I felt right then and there. So happy to be where I am, so happy to be alive. Finally I hit Collarbone, the only trail for the day. That buttery smooth bit of singletrack love did not let this fantastic day down. I’d be a billionaire if I could bottle and sell that sort of perfection….

simple perfection

think this counts as one reason why we live here….

Yesterday I got up late, again, proceeded to drag ass all morning. No core work out, no spin ups, just walk the dogs, drink coffee and go to work. Think the coffee was all that got me through the morning. E-mailed my coach, Andy, we agreed that I should just chill out. Throughout the day I would fluctuate between feeling just fine and feeling like my head was stuffed full of lead. Walking the dogs after work I was feeling good and therefor guilty for not following my schedule.

In a way I was stoked to feel this need to get after it. A shift in my behavior, my habits. I wanted to train, to sweat, to grow, to get little stronger each and everyday. Accepting my excuses for not doing my deeds for the day was hard to do, even if I did feel a touch crapped out. Instead of loathing, fretting the work, the pain, my desires and actions were coming together on the same plane. So instead of drinking a beer on my Friday night I drank some tea, ate dinner and went to bed nice and early.

Sleeping in again this morning. Take the dogs out for a good little hike, straight up the hillside. Oh my head aches, fudge I want this crap gone! The morning is beautiful, clear, calm. The dogs and I have this corner of the sage and rock crags to ourselves. A sweet start to the day. Get home drink some coffee, have a quick snack and go straight into my upper body workout for the day. Feels so good, go on to stretch while nice and warmed up, ahhh feels even better! Do some errands, clean the house and hop on the trainer for some intervals, the first real full on intervals I have done in like 6 months. I grit my teeth, I drench myself in sweat. Oh it is wonderful, so freaking wonderful and the best part is I am excited for more. Love this feeling, just love it, hard to do when you are on a roll, but I have to remember to rest, ahhh yes rest…..

Last night I went to bed early, just wasn’t feeling too spunky. Today I wanted to get after it, had an upper body workout and some hill sprints on the schedule, also I wanted to do some easy stretching. Something I have been neglecting lately and I am turning into a stiff, inflexible block of wood. Instead of getting up and facing the day, I turned off the alarm and went right back to sleep. Only for a half an hour, at which time guilt entered my thoughts and kept me wondering what do I want? To be well rested or get up and get it done, to squander this chance, perhaps set a precedent and fall off the training wagon, or make the most of my day and attempt to build my tower towards the sky?

After too much time tossing and turning, not really getting any extra rest or anything done, I get up and walk the dogs in the frigid morning air. Perhaps a bike ride wouldn’t be such a great idea anyhow? It is quite freaking cold out. Back home I make coffee, and start the first set of my morning workout. I get breakfast cooking after the first set, feed the dogs before the third and last set. I sit down, check my Facebook and wolf down my food. Just can’t help but feel like I have screwed up by not getting out there, cold or not and crushed some hills. By the time I will get off work it will be dark, so it’s a night ride or the trainer in my future….

Still it is so dark out at 6:PM when I leave work that my motivation seems to slip away in the star lit night. Hate to say it but I am not feeling a 100%, my head is heavy and I just feel a bit funny. Damn Me! I am loosing faith in myself. Not even a week into my new program and I am turning into a wimp! Hungry, always hungry, I eat some cereal and then go walk the dogs. The slim sliver of the waxing moon is just starting to show itself in the sky with Venus keeping fairly close company. It is clear, the air not too cool…”come on go for a night ride”….I just want to go to bed. Instead I get on my shorts and shoes, find some music and ride the trainer, the road to nowhere. It takes Steady Diet of Nothing and In Rainbows to get me a whole hour and a half of spinning with some easy 2-3 minute intervals. Sure haven’t missed riding the road to nowhere and there is so much more of this in my future, ahh fudge! It took me till 9:30 at night, but I got it done. Just another day indeed….

it is a long road….

Today was my third day of following a structured training program. Been wanting to try this for years, to see if I can be faster, stronger and hurt less while doing it. I love racing bikes and like most bike racing freaks I want to kick a bunch of ass! I have always wondered if I am capable of being FAST? There are those who might get confused and think that I am already FAST!, but really, I am not. Sure I am quick enough and most importantly can go with much less sleep than some of the FAST guys and this has enabled me to do well and even win a few races. Look at a any one day races and I am not even close to the winners, don’t quite have that speed…..

For years I have been wondering when will someone come along that does not have to sleep and is FAST and will crush the multi-day, self supported bikepacking race world! Well I want to see if I can make myself into that person. Thus the need to step it up, get some help/coaching and give it everything I have. No excuses, no screwing up, total dedication. Like anything it is easy to dream about and so much harder to live everyday.

I have been afraid of the pain, the soreness, the dedication of time and energy. The thought of doing millions of intervals, riding the trainer all winter long has made me wince. Well the time is now and these things are kicking my sorry ass and will for months to come. But today I was made aware of just how much commitment this is going to take and it wasn’t the pain of bleeding eye intervals that shook me. I was scheduled to do an easy, steady 3.5-4.5 hour ride today. Basically staying on the pedals but on flat-ish ground, real nice simple spinning. Well I don’t have a road bike, and that is for a reason, I ride the roads to get to dirt and trails. This exercise would have been best with gears on pavement, for all the dirt roads go up and down, up and down….

For the first hour and a half it was all good. I rode out the highway and climbed up a gradual dirt road. Then the road got steep, so I turned around, oh yeah now it is a downhill. So for the second day in a row I dragged the brakes so I could keep pressure on the pedals. I have to admit I felt ridiculous. Kept reminding myself, dedication, adaptation, make it work. After that I just turned up every dirt road I came to, till it got steep, then turned around rode the brakes, took the next road. I passed singletrack after singletrack. Staying on dirt roads, wandering all over the sage hills southwest of Gunny. I really hit a wall. What am I doing, riding around randomly, keeping my heart rate down, avoiding trail riding…. I love singletrack!

Hard to keep goals in perspective, especially when they are so far away. I have been lucky to pull off what I have done with little or no help, just riding, sometimes far, sometimes fast. Still I want more. I want so much more from myself. I talk so much about limits, pushing them, exceeding them. The trouble is doing your homework. I can suffer, go with tiny bits of sleep, yet to do what I want requires more. It is time to progress, grow, expand. Time to dedicate myself not for a ride, or a weekend, but for months, years. I must stay strong, stay focused, stay on target, stay on target. This old dog is trying hard to learn some new tricks, damn it isn’t easy!

GO ride ride ride

Yesterday I woke up early. Haven’t done that in weeks and really besides for work, I haven’t bothered to get up at any certain time for, what…maybe months? Well I got up, walked the dogs, then did a bunch of new abdominal exercises, some new leg stuff. Next I went out in the cold dawn morning to do some spin ups on the bike, yep never done those either. All part of the new plan, the new-see-what-is-possible-me. It was all so new I had to read and re-read what I was supposed to be doing over and over before it stuck, before it made sense. Did it all the best I could, a lot of the ab and leg stuff was meant to be done in a gym with special equipment and all. I did it with milk jugs full of water and some old tubes. Then proceeded to go out and spin like crazy in the frigid ass morning on pavement with my singlespeed…yeah gotta love living in the ghetto.

Today I meant to get up early and walk the dogs and ride early before my Mom came to town for a visit. But I left my watch/alarm on my handlebars and didn’t get up with enough time. So instead got up late and did an extended walk with the dogs. Crazy little shits. Hung out with my Mom, ate some Firebrand lunch in the warm sun, drank some coffee, then visited friends with new puppies. Oh My Puppies!

At about 3:20 I got out for my ride. Now remember this whole structured thing is new to me and I have to admit it has taken me off guard with how specific it is. Today was 2.5 hours of riding at 18-25 beats below Lactate Threshold. I kinda sort of know what that means but in practice it was such a learning experience. Right now my only working bike is a Singlespeed. Yeah it is true. I thought…..go ride some easy hills… So I rode out of town and climbed for about 45 minutes, then I came to a downhill. So I rode my brakes and pedaled like mad. Hmmm…..seems to work. Perhaps I should also mention that I do not have or use a heart rate monitor, so I am guessing here what is my perceived exertion. Next thing I bump into someone I know and stop to chat. I am not one to blow someone off for something as silly as perceived exertion so we talk bikes, racing and riding as the sun inches closer to the horizon. The whole time I am thinking about what I am supposed to be doing, what is more important??? Keeping a constant heart rate, or is it being a good person/trail ambassador? Gosh never thought this sort of quandary would hit me, just go ride or train smart? Shit man life just got more complicated…

I take off and run, chasing the setting sun. I go west, dropping down to beaver creek, riding the brakes and pedaling like mad, then climb up the east side of the Aberdeen Loop, hitting the wall, feeling like crap but I keep the pedals spinning always spinning. I opt out and ride the road, the sun is about to drop over the horizon, my Mom is going to pick me up at my house for dinner in 45 minutes and I am roughly 15-20  miles from town. Yikes! Ignoring lactate thresholds and all I bomb down towards MacAbes with my hands freezing in the cooling shadows. I crank the uphills, my legs feeling the structured drain of yesterdays spin ups, squats, pulls and raises. OMG it hurts! Crazy how two days of this has put more hurt into my legs than last weekends binge of miles. Makes me think there is something to this…science of suffering!

I make it home, let the dogs out. clean up, change and am ready before my Mom arrives. We go out and eat some amazing Mexican food at Anejo’s, I love Food and Margaritas! We talk about my training, why and if and what.We talk about racing, the Tour Divide, the CTR. Don’t get to see my Mom that much and she is just awesome, so supportive and positive. A pleasure to get to hang out and talk. Honestly the talk, and the soreness in my legs and sides, has me all jazzed up and excited to give this whole structure, planning and science thing a real chance. To see what is possible with some help, direction and a whole bunch of kicks in the ass! Hold on it is gonna be a interesting ride……

me myself and I

Tomorrow, November 1st I am taking on a new challenge in my life. I will be starting a structured training program. Yes, I am going to be coached. The information needed to kick my own ass on a daily basis in an effective way will be supplied. I will be doing some weight training, ab and core work. I will be doing intervals, tempo work, sprints. Oh I have looked at the week to come and it is gonna hurt, it is gonna kick my ass all over the map. There has been no coaching in my life since high school cross country, and I was such a slacker….Now I want to see what I can do, given the professional help of some one who know what the hell there are doing. I want this, I want to be stronger, faster, climb better…and then again I am scared.

I am scared to death of structure, of having to do something everyday. Weary of the fact that I have to manage my time more effectively in order to do this. If I do not rise I will disappoint myself and my coach. I will get the “Bathroom Talk”. I want to kick ass, be the best student I can be, I really really do not want to get the “Bathroom Talk”. I want to arrive into next season strong, solid. I want to get to Banff in June, ready to throw down, confident in what I can do, prepared to slay the beast before me.

I like to say I have been training for these big multi-day races, all my life. Tomorrow it ramps up a notch, it takes on a new more serious angle. It could backfire, I could get burnt out, get depressed, drop out of this dream. I could get injured, fatigued. I could get too serious, get cocky, forget what it is all about. It is all possible, shit happens, I am fallible without a doubt. But I don’t doubt my desire, my dreams. With a little help, direction and encouragement I can see a chance to go to a whole new level. I want to see limits pushed even harder, time to seek out this with myself. Easy to dream, harder to live out. Stoked to try, and try hard…..Oh Hell…it is gonna hurt!   

It is Monday night, my weekend is over. The binge is done, sadly I do not get to dream up some long ass ride to do tomorrow. Instead it is back to work and with a winter storm sweeping in tonight, the trainer might be coming out of storage. More motivation to get out there and crush myself today while I still can.

I had the pleasure of going car camping with the dogs last night. Watching the glorious sunset sitting atop a pile of rocks, drinking beer, sitting around the camp fire, even playing my guitar to accompany the howling coyotes. All while the dogs ran around in circles seeking the unseen slow twitch bunny. (The dogs are still quietly sleeping!) After coffee and breakfast I roll on home determined to get in another good long ride today. While loading up the bike it hit me. I felt tired, my stomach was feeling a bit weird (too many campfire beers?), my head ached. The idea of curling up for a nap rivaled my desire to go ride. Back n forth I wavered, stay, go, stay, go….Ok just GO!

The bike was loaded, lights, water, food, clothes, everything needed to ride for hours. But my body was just weak, every climb felt like a chore, each consecutive climb hurt more. I was forced to walk a few tough spots I always ride, thought about turning around more than a few times. Yet with the knowledge of that winter storm blowing in, knowing damn well there was not much chance to ride for days, just  “Keep eating and drinking, you’ll feel better” By about mile 25 I was feeling better. There was some power back in my legs, still felt a bit off, a bit squirrely here and there, but the doubt was gone, amen!

I rode everywhere out there! Seriously it seems like I should have ridden a 100 miles today, rode Hartman’s, rode Aberdeen 1.5 times, rode around Big Mesa, rode back into and through Hartman’s. I was slow today, maybe that was it. Maybe the GPS missed something, yeah right! Gravity was on high today, I was stuck in low. Still it was great day, traveled some gorgeous country, railed some trail, saw the sunset, felt better on the road home than when I started the ride. Managed 55 miles and 6000′ of climbing, not bad?

The reality is that I wanted to ride farther, faster. Am I perpetually unsatisfied? Maybe? Did drinking too many beers make today more of a chore? Hmmmm, perhaps. Am I driven, but not 100% focused, yes, yes that is me. Will I keep dreaming, scheming, planning and trying?  Sometimes I hope I never stop. Cause you never know till you try. Besides there is always next weekend?!

For those who might want to know, the binge weekend had 237 miles and 19,700′ of climbing….and I have to admit, quite a few beers downed as well

sun, glorious sun

never get tired of this

another sunset
thank you Universe, thank you

all down hill to Gunny….