A trick of the schedule and just pure luck handed me 4 days off in a row. OMG! (who am I to complain about time?) Well I would love to go somewhere, but after a long race season I feel like I have used up all of my dog sitting privileges. Plus it is actually quite gorgeous and dry enough that staying in Gunny ain’t so bad at all. After reluctantly working on my bike on what was now, my “Friday”, it suddenly hit me, I have 4 days off! I was giddy riding home, what to do, what to do? It didn’t take long before the idea of a binge weekend came to mind, Why not celebrate this wonderful extended end of season riding by cramming as much into the next four days as I can?

I started off yesterday. Riding with fellow Griggs Orthopedic riders, Beth and Sean out at Hartman’s. We cruised around in the cloudy coolness, rode some stuff I don’t ride much, holy smokes the McAbe’s halfpipe is so fun! Good times with good peeps. They needed to do some chores, (I should be doing some too) instead I headed out for some more, determined to crush myself. While I pondered my direction, how much time I had and such, my front wheel kept making turns for me. Next thing I knew I was crossing Beaver Creek and climbing up the Aberdeen Loop. I kept checking the watch, did I have enough time for this? I had a meeting that I did not want to be late for and I was now out in the middle of nowhere. Thinking about the options for a speedier return to town I just kept riding. Will I be able to make it? Unsure I hammered the climbs hard. I cranked out the loop, up out of Beaver Creek and out to Bambi’s. Ended up with time to eat a sandwich and let the dogs out, Yeah! Also managed to get in almost 49 miles and 4700′. A good start to the bingeing!

Last night I debated the plan for the rest of the weekend. So many ideas rolled around in my head. There are some limiters for sure, there is snow up high, it is pretty damn cold in the am, I do have to get the dogs out. With all things considered, one of my favorites, the Los Pinos Loop, popped into my head. I like to do it at least once a year and hadn’t been up there except for the CTR. It looked like it might have snowed up there, but that didn’t scare me too much. The loop could take about 9 hours on the SS, this meant a cold start or finishing in the dark and it was hunting season, hmmmm…still it pulled me, it needed to be ridden.

Hit the road at 9:13 AM, almost on target. The clouds still hung, the air was cool, bordering on cold. It is all climbing for a couple hours so not a deal. Traversing the massive Sawtooth Mountain on it’s Eastern flank, rolling down and up out of several drainages, in and out of aspen groves, through expansive parks. The sun streamed through breaks in the clouds steaming off of the snow covered peaks, pretty damn awesome! I just kept spinning my one little gear, eating my food, loving every minute. Eventually I turn and drop east down to Highway 114 and roll south, up the canyon. Turning off onto gravel a few miles later, heading towards Cochetopa Pass, then turning west, onto the long gradual climb up to Los Pinos.

Now my bags and jersey pockets are full of clothes, the sun is out, the air is warm, the wind is not too bad. It has turned out to be a real nice fall day in the mountains. This little pocket of Colorado is something special. Quiet, removed, very very low population density.  After turning off 114, a couple ranch trucks and a few hunters pass by. Miles and miles of gravel road rolls under my tires, hours and hours go by. The country side rolls out in all directions, sage covered hills, rock crag topped canyons, brilliant snow covered peaks. The sun casts golden rays upon it all, setting the grass in the huge open parks aglow, filling the canyons with deep shadows, making the rocks turn impossibly red, contrasting the snow filled chutes and ridgetops with the black rock cliffs high in the La Garitas. I have been through here countless times, riding, racing, camping. It takes my breath away every time, it makes me want to come back more and more often, it begs me to stay.

Despite the wonder of the moment, the glory of this slice of the world, it is a long painful day on the singlespeed. Too much sitting down, with miles and miles of flat smooth road my butt gets real tired of my bike seat! With good bits of wash boards, lots of washed out jeep roads and livestock hoofs pounded into the road, my already sore hands are pissed off. After yesterday’s singletrack hammering my back is singing death metal in my ear. Yikes! Still a smile smooths over my cringing face. Joy graces my soul with such a magnificent day spent totally outside, with such a good friend, my bike. After 8 hours and 56 minutes, 101 miles, 6300′, I complete the loop and arrive at home, to a crazy welcome from my two wild dogs. What a great day…now what to do tomorrow…..

aspens are still clinging to fall as well

clouds rolling off of Razor Dome

snowy roads

Top Of Los Pinos Pass

cruising in the sun

don’t tell anyone…this is magical little slice of Colorado….

Topping out on 9 Mile, Hwy 149, last climb of the day, Yeah!

I am not good at managing my time. I often stay in bed too long even when I am not sleeping. I spend too much time on Facebook, yes there I admitted it! I have two crazy, intense high energy dogs that constantly seek my attention and time. Always needing more walking, running, camping, more thrown balls, sticks, frisbees…..endless really. I work, sometimes two jobs, I really do work! Plus I like to ride bikes, ok I really really like to ride bikes. I even race them sometimes…sometimes I race them a lot. It takes training, stretching, eating right, plus lots of bike love even after days of working on other bikes, to make this happen. There is reading books, playing the guitar, hanging out with friends that also claims my attention.

Then there is this here blog. Yeah I know I started it. Why? Cause I want to inspire others to get out and do some fun stuff. It took a big leap of confidence for me to make that happen. Most days I am not the sort of person to think I am anything inspirational. Yet I get to do things that are pretty awesome, yep I said it (they are simple things but I am so grateful). I know this because they make my frown turn upside down, I am not always a positive, happy person, I get down, I feel depressed, I forget what is important. For me biking, racing, pushing my limits, camping, hiking, doing trail work, hanging with my great friends, makes it all worth while, makes the struggles, lighten up. 

Plus I like to write. Another reason for this thing we call a blog. I want to do it more often, I want to make myself sit down and write, just write, good or bad. Maybe “publish it”, maybe hide it from the world, either way, write it, think it, do it. Everything gets better with practice and who knows maybe something I randomly mutter in cyberspace makes someone’s day, makes them get out the door and do something fun, good, amazing. Yet this takes time, time I am not good at finding, utilizing. Plus my lap top is old, my internet connection is weak, my experience with WordPress, not that great. I have lost a few posts, gone, poof, hours of work has disappeared. That makes me mad, sad and reluctant to use my allotments of time to take the chance that it goes no where, no where at all. Then again I am not one to give up easy, so we shall see. Until next time….  

The past month or so I have been slacking off. Races are done and the season is gone leaving me tired both physically and mentally. It is off season, ahh yeah. That means drinking beer, eating too much, trying to sleep in. It feels good after being so focused and revved up to the red line for months at time to chill out and not think about racing, suffering. Not forcing myself to get up early to ride, stretch, work out before going off to make a living. Yet in many ways the hectic level of doing stuff on a schedule is key to me keeping my life in order, keeping me focused and level headed. But it also wears you down, burns you out, takes the fun out of it. All about balance, but so hard to find it.

Recently I was inspired to make an effort to get to Banff, Alberta on June 13th. After years convincing myself I was done with it, trying to ignore the pull, the burning desire to ride the spine from Canada to Mexico. It seeped in through my eyes, ears, skin, sinking deep into my heart. The desire is there now, its hooks embedded deeply. I know I must try, I need to give it my all, I am again obsessed with Le Tour Divide.

As of Sunday, October 13th, I have 8 months till the start of this quest. I have so much to do. From bikes, gear, body, mind and soul, so much preparation, planning, meditation, spending, thinkering. There is the dogs, the rent, the job(s). There is the things that went right last time, and the things that went wrong, how to capitalize, how to rise above. Such a long time to stay focused, such a short time to get it all in together. Bottom line is off season is over, time to get back on the damn horse and hold on tight. Cause here we go.

one chainring
one cog
do not think…just do!

I was once a die hard singlespeeder. Working on bikes all day for a living made it hard to want to work on my own. One gear makes it easy to just go ride. So for years I did almost all my riding with no shifters, no derailleurs, no barrel adjusters. I have even raced some big races with just that one solo gear. In fact it was the 2011 Tour Divide that might have begun to break apart my singlespeed only, way of life.

It has been almost two years since I have put in any serious miles with the one gear. I have come to use all those gears, you can go faster, you can go slower, you can longer without as much fatigue. These are all great things, I have improved on my race finishes, I can say that I love having multiple gears! In fact at last years Vapor Trail 125 I was scoffing at all the rigid singlespeeders present, so easily forgetting that the last time I raced the VT I was on a rigid singlespeed. Don’t get me wrong, I like it all, just found that I am not so hard core after all, I like to shift!

Well I was doing some wheel testing and needed to send the test wheels in. For some reason I thought, why not throw the  “oney” wheel on and ride that for a while? Yesterday was the first reunited ride. It was a long dirt road climb with a 10 mile hike and then the same long dirt now a descent back to town. Well going up was ok, the steep stuff hurt pretty damn good and there was nothing to do but stand up. The ride back I was having Tour Divide flashbacks, OH how I hate the flats! Spinning like mad, still way under geared, tucking for miles and miles. Seriously was thinking of throwing the gears immediately back on.

Today a sweet afternoon ride out through Hartman’s getting way back there for some Aberdeen Grande! The Aberdeen Loop is two sections of singletrack connected with a touch of dirt road. Instead of doing the loop I like to do the Grande, which is a big out n back, up the east side, down the west side, back up the west side and down the east. It is a great ride, it makes for a lot of climbing and you get to do each section of trail in both directions. The riding is engaging, fast, fun. It is also gorgeous, the views are huge, big sky country.

Out here on the trails I was loving the single. It was super fun, light, silent, efficient and fast. However I was reminded of how much body english it takes to clean some climbs. Like going up the “down” of Skull Pass, it took every muscle to get up that sucker. On every climb I was reminded of how much extra work it is to climb on a single, upper body workout, check! Surprising myself with how well I did, I managed to clean almost everything. Now my arms and shoulders are aching, twitching from the unfamiliar effort, apparently two years is a long time. Maybe I will keep rocking the one gear for a while, there is much knowledge and skill to refresh. Pretty damn sure if the opportunity comes up again, I will not be racing one on the Divide.

To the south of Gunnison sits a mountain. It rises above all the sage covered hills, the scattered stands of quakies and dark timber. Looking south it seems that every wash, every creek eventually leads to this huge mound of rock. It isn’t super close to town, nor does it appear to have the sort of majesty that would make it well known. Instead Sawtooth sits just far enough away that so few know it is there at all. I like to go and visit this place as often as I can. It calms my fiery heart, soothes my restless spirit. I often camp along it’s shoulders, listening to the wind blow wonderful words, hear the tinkle of tiny creeks letting me know it will all be fine, give it time.

I have come to call the mountain Grandfather. To me it sits with such quiet dignity, not absorbed in the glory of the day, instead; timeless, removed, handsome and reassuring. It does not need to be known. It does not need to be on a list, to be pursued, it is not extreme, it just is. Sitting high enough to look down with a watchful eye on our little town, it is also like the wizard of Gunny. Mighty, powerful, yet silent.

This morning I was off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Gunny. My plan was not the lingering camping trip, but doing it on the quick. Ride to Soldier’s Park, hike up to the top and run/hike back to the bike, ride home. I somehow got SamJ to come along. The morning starts cold and crisp, but not painfully so. The ride up out of town is steady and long, with a few steep bursts of climbing keeping the blood pumping and the body warm. After 19 miles it is time to hide the bikes and start hiking. The sky is solid blue, not a cloud to be seen. The aspens are glowing gold, yellow, orange and red, there is some variable snow cover on north aspects and in shady spots. The contrast is spectacular, it is simply an amazing day.

We push pretty good for the top. We hang out and eat, take in the distant ring of mountains in every direction. The view is something else atop Sawtooth. At 12,147′ it isn’t that tall of a mountain, yet with so few other mountains close by it sits in a sea of low sage hills, rolling aspens glowing with color, mixed with dark timber, wave after wave of ridgelines extending out in all directions. Lone, solitary, massive. The sun is warm but the wind is cool as we make our way off the peak, off the ridge and into the warm shelter of the golden grass filled valley. After 5 miles of slipping on melted snow, hopping from rock to rock, gaping at the wonderful colors, we get back to the bikes and switch shoes. Soaking up the warm afternoon sun, knowing this moment in time will not last long. Fall is such a tenuous time, so drop dead gorgeous, yet so temporary. Soon the trees will shed their leaves, the air will be too cold for exposed skin, this very place much farther away. Today, right now, it feels so good!

Riding back to town is fast and fun, warm enough to feel like I have stolen another day back from summer. These days are fading and sometimes it is so hard to let go of the freedom that long sunny days bring. The experience of today, to feel the pure love of what I was doing, to think, feel, want nothing more than to see what was around the next corner. The exhilaration of being surrounded miles and miles of wildness, yet feeling calm, safe and at home. Makes whatever comes next, ok, whatever s%^t happens, doable. Most wild places can make me feel like this, but going to visit Grandfather makes it sink deep down inside. Thanks Universe, thank you!

snowy little trail

Short Sleeves!

fallen leaves, golden rays, glistening snow

magical woods

follow the yellow brick road…..

topped out

Today I needed a bike ride…..

I woke up at 4:AM, head full of thoughts, there was no more sleep, only tossing and turning. I got the dogs out for a walk. It was such a pretty morning. Leaves changing, still a touch cool as we left the truck, then getting wonderfully warm. Perfect out, except my head was stuck pondering things, so many things. The dogs didn’t help me out. One was just ceaselessly loud and obnoxious. The other constantly wandered off with out heeding my calls to stay in sight. I should be able to rise above and still take in the fading wonder of Fall in the Mountains, but I got frustrated instead.

I got home and tried to download the few pictures I took while out walking. Only I forgot that my damn POS Walmart camera lens cover no longer opens all the way leaving dark zig zags on the edges of most of the pictures. Then my laptop was too full and over worked to actually open all the pictures. Augh! I have nothing nice! I go to make some lunch only to realize there is almost no food in the house. I don’t need to go shopping I need a bike ride!

By now I am tired and grumpy. Still I make myself pedal out to Hartman’s. I stop atop Ridgeline, sit on a rock above the big cliff and stare at the sky, I close my eyes, I take in deep deep breaths. The wind whips past, I can feel myself falling asleep. I sit up, stare out over town, across the big spirals of cut hay in the meadows of the winding twisting Tomichi Creek. I try not to think, but I don’t go blank, I just don’t. So I get up and ride some more.

I stop again. The brain is stuck, this world just doesn’t make sense to me sometimes, really, all too often. I sit on another rock, looking this time to the west. The mesa’s rise above their long sweeping slopes, whole hillsides hide in the shadows. The sun glows with wonderful golden light, swaths of trees turn magical colors in the distance. It is quiet and peaceful, there is no one around to pass me on the trail. I sit, drink my bottle, try to take it all in. My head is still thumping, bumping along a rough road, I simply am not able to absorb the peace around me.

I ride some more and make my way home. I feel better, my heart, my lungs and legs are refreshed and made happy. My skin feels alive, the warm sun absorbed and adored. My head, on the other hand is still a mess. With so many nagging questions, I often wish for a few simple answers. There is not, not today. The perspective gained while out there riding is I still have time in this life. There could be easy answers if I could be satisfied with them, I am not looking for easy, simple, I want more. I may not ever stop asking questions, there is just too much to learn. Keep the faith, brother Jefe, and keep the reaching for more.

I spent something like 7 years obsessively observing the Tour Divide. It seemed like the most magical almost mystical experience one could have on a bike. I wanted to do it so bad, but instead came up with excuse after excuse,  just kept scarring myself out of even trying. Every year I’d follow the race as much as I could, every year I would tell myself, “I’m doing it next year, for sure”. I kept watching, learning, racing, becoming well versed in the culture, the gear, the heartbreaks and disasters of Le Tour Divide.

In 2011 I finally made the leap, I actually made it to Banff. I half expected to get in a car wreck, or come down with food poisoning the night before. I just couldn’t believe I was actually going to race the divide. All the fears that kept me away still lingered in my head. Can I really ride everyday for 2700 miles? Will eating at gas stations for three weeks kill my sensitive stomach? Will I get mauled by a Grizz? Will I crack open like an egg and cry on the side of the road wanting only to go home? Will I run out of money? Will it live up to my many years worth of obsession? Will it be any fun at all?

The Tour Divide was a dream come true. Riding my bike everyday through places I had never been and had only read or looked at through pictures. My only job, my only responsibility was to find food, water, some sort of shelter for the night and to ride my bike as far as I possibly could. Simply the best job ever. I was out there for every sunrise, every sunset. So many climbs, descents, valley after valley, mountain range after mountain range, all with the blissful simplicity of my bike, loaded with barely all I need. Sure it hurt like hell, it kicked my ass, my Achilles, my knees all over the map of pain. I ran out of food, water, sleep. There were a few isolated moments when I was not happy, that I wanted to do something else, that it hurt so damn fucking much I wondered what was wrong with me, why am I not quitting and going home? Because every other moment I was out there I was truly having the time of my life.

It has been over two years since my ride down the spine of this continent. I have had the thought of going back for more, but there is so much that scares me away, once again. All the same things worry my little head. Food, money, grizzlies, my poor beat down body getting beat down some more. Knowing darn well what will happen to me out there. Going hard as can be for 15+ days, barely sleeping, always cold or blistering hot. Could I even do better than my almost perfect 2011 ride? Even for me it is hard to put my whole life on hold for a month, make no money but spend a ton, get some one to watch my two wild crazy dogs, take the time off of work.

I read a great story by Cjell Mone about his ride this summer. About half way through the tale I was feeling that feeling. A hook was sunk. Damn it the Divide was in my head again. Once it gets in there it doesn’t want to leave. Till you take it on, till you throw your hat into the ring, and go for a little ride. I am not sure about anything yet, but I am thinking, and thinking….and thinking….damn it feels kinda good….

So it is kind of amazing how much of my attitude depends on my attitude. Think sad thoughts, feel sad. Think about heart ache, my heart aches. Think about good things, feel good, do good things, feel better. It seems overly simple, I almost can’t believe I can say it with a straight face.(Yes my face is very straight!) Or maybe it really is that simple. So why not try it, right? Instead of feeling down about things I am looking forward to doing, trying, seeking something that brings more to the table. Instead of drinking too many beers I am reading and writing more. Stretching, breathing, envisioning possibilities not obstacles. It makes a difference, it does.

For me the key is keeping it up, not giving in to the darkness that is out there waiting for us all to slip up and let it creep in. Look to the light, embrace what is good appreciate what is good, focus on that. Why does it seem so basic and easy to do from the perspective of feeling good and so impossible when I hate the world? Makes me want to make big bright posters for all my walls that remind me of all these things when I no longer can feel them in my heart. I bet I would just scoff at them and maybe tear them down. Right now it is what I want to do, bank some of this optimism, store some of this brightness away for when I can not connect to it.

Sad happens and it isn’t evil. So long as you bounce back without letting it beat you down, without convincing you to lash out at someone else. I tend to fight sadness with depression, it is pretty ugly I tell you. Instead I should feel it, acknowledge it, find the source, correct if possible and move on. Move on, so hard to do. No matter how grumpy I might be, there is no doubt that focusing on being miserable will only keep me feeling miserable. Maybe it really is that simple. Note to Self, Be Good!

“Never quit in the night. Stop eat rest wait for the sunrise”

I am trying to take it easy. I am tired and beat up, I just need some slow down and recover time. I really haven’t been riding much, maybe a couple times a week, no running, just short mellow walks with the doggies. Ahh, relax, chill, sounds real nice eh? Well no it isn’t, it is kicking me in the head. Pedaling Is My Prozac! I am just not as good of a person when I don’t get out and ride, and ride….

Yesterday at work I was sick of fixing bikes, answering questions, smiling on the outside when I wanted to scream on the inside. I knew I needed a bike ride, a good hard long bike ride up in the woods. Only thing was the weather was looking a bit wild, wet and cold! I made myself set the alarm to get up at 4:AM and get the wheels rolling. When I went to sleep the chance for precipitation was 40%, when I got up it had jumped to 80%. Shit! Pure Shit! I ate, drank coffee and walked the dogs. Well at least half the sky was clear of clouds, it wasn’t too cold and I am definitely not made of sugar, so hell yeah I’m going.

Riding east on Highway 50 I race the clouds coming out of the west. Soon the moon shines free and lights up the road. Maybe if I can keep the hammer down I can beat the storm, well at least part of the way home? Only as I turn north east, then north onto dirt, the clouds overcome the moon. I can still see some open sky. I shout “NO, Not Yet” as rain drops fall lightly even as the sunrise begins to lite up the world. I ponder turning around, this could get ugly, but I am not too interested in a road ride, stubbornly I just keep climbing.

Well it rains alright. The storm opens up into a steady downpour as I break treeline. The clay in the soil turns to gumbo mud, I am barely able to ride here and there. But at 11-12,000′, with mud ladened tires, wet rocks and my tired legs, it ends up that a healthy bit of walking gets me across the high traverse. I come to my option for bailing out, straight down a jeep road to pavement. I don’t stop or even flinch, “have faith Jefe” I mumble and keep going.

The rain eases up, the soil changes and no longer sticks to my bike. The rocks and roots are still plentiful and slick as ever, but it is so much fun to try and ride. I scare myself, nearly going over the bars a few times and sliding all over the place. Still I surprise myself at how much of it my tires flow up and over. With much love of this place, I smile as the familiar trail winds along, so many rides, years and years of adventures flash in my eyes. Cornering through the Jedi aspens, golden leaves paving the trail, one rock garden after another. Spinning, grunting, slipping, laughing with only the forest for company.

As the trail descends the ground seems dryer and dryer. Once out into the sage it seems like it didn’t rain at all. I push a bit and crank out the last ten miles home. The effort feels so good, standing up mashing the pedals hard. Railing corner after corner as if my bike knows every turn, every rock. The air is warmer and I can feel the sweat on my back, the dryness in my throat. It all is so real, so right now, I feel so real, so alive. Damn it sure feels good.

sunrise magic

slick and sketchy

12,000′

in the clouds

rock garden madness

ok maybe I wasn’t alone….

aspen trail love

Woke up grumpy today, so I stayed in bed too long, felt good to get a bit more sleep, but missed my chance to get out and exercise. That made me stay grumpy all day. It is dumb, there are so many good things in my life, I just don’t connect with them when I am grumpy, moody, what ever you want to call it. Stupid is what it felt like today, just stupid. I got through the day, but I was a cranky little shit most of the time, luckily my co workers are mostly forgiving and there were not too many irritating customers to deal with.

Despite my urge to get off work and just go drink, I came home and drove out to Hartman’s with the dogs. The sun was minutes from setting, the truck’s gas tank was empty, the sky dark with clouds upon clouds, lightening flashed directly above where my headlights were pointing me. Still we went forth. Even with the dark wall of some sort of precipitation looming I grab the leashes and we started up the trail. With many bushes sniffed and peed upon, we didn’t get too far before I could hear a dull roar above the crashes of thunder. The roar grew in volume, I knew what it was but wanted to Do Something and was playing dumb. There is no denying it when hail starts to pelt you, even my tough little heeler girl was not stoked on the tiny ice balls smacking into her face. I stubbornly set forth for another minute before the gathering stream of water flowing down the trail convinced me to turn back. The dogs agreed and we ran back to the truck, they eagerly leapt in and the adventure was shut down, as more lightening burst across the sky not far enough away.

I feel so easily defeated as I drove back through town, bought beer, and almost a bottle of tequila! It is still raining, the sky is flashing and rumbling. My head is a mess with thoughts, questions, my heart rumbles along with the thunder. I am not really in the mood to think, I am drinking beer and feeling guilty so therefor writing this. So, apparently, no matter what I think, I ponder, I wonder and question. Just like the weather, my mind, my moods have been testy, unsettled, kind of a bitch to deal with. Maybe I am a touch exhausted, maybe I expect too much, maybe I just need to HTFU! Right now that is easier said than done.