Life has taught me much about determination. It is an amazing source of power and can push you beyond your pre-conceived notions of limits. Determination can’t always take it all the way in the real world. I have hit the limits in my own solo pusuits where the body just won’t go any further no matter how convinced that one tiny bit of the mind may be.
Being part of a new family has brought a whole new awareness to what it means to be full of determination. I am pretty good at dusting myself off after whatever spills life has thrown at me, it isn’t pretty to watch and tortorous to live through sometimes, but I am piss full of raw determination. I also have never excelled at team sports, why? It is fucking hard to work with other humans to achieve goals! Most of us do it all the time, everyday, some of us are amazng at it. My skills are sorely lacking and never has it been so evident to me as now. Trying to coordinate all of life with an almost 2 year old, a busy working wife, and myself working 40 hours a week and trying to train has been the most frustrating part of my life. At times it truly seems impossible and I almost throw in the towel, give up and start drinking again.
Determination won’t have it that way, there is some deep and powerful stuff inside this need for more than ordinary. So I am trying harder, digger deeper, getting up earlier, stayng up later to get more time on the bike, more time to stretch and repair. The other side of this is I am going to try to network more, communicate better, and try to make myself and my dreams more of a priority, that is going to be very very hard, but I am determined to chase these persistent dreams of mine.