One of the biggest traps in my life has been a tendency towards negativity. I get beat down and fall into these holes filled with self doubt, harsh critques, and low dead end energy. Once that happens the door to self destruction cracks open just a bit and all hell is there to experience.
What sounds so crazy dark and dreadful, is really what we all kind of deal with in life and how we deal sets us up for future success or mournful failure. I am trying, but it isn’t enough. I can see myself fairly clearly most if the time, getting deep into your brain under durress makes for some harsh self honesty, and I can see where I let my emotions take me down roads to places I do not need to return to. Why do we keep failing ourselves!?
Living gets in the way of a lot what we need to be really doing in our lives. All the everyday stuff tends to drag us down and weigh on us so much that there isn’t much left to put in an extra effort. I have been paralyzed by the big steps I want to see happen, but seem impossible. So I pulled myself together and started with small steps. I started a training diary. I am looking at my weaknesses and actually applying known techniques to make a change. I am gonna let go of the bullshit that does not deliver a damn thing, less social media and internet drooling. Just one pot of coffee instead of three, and drink some more water Jefe!
It is so easy to make bad choices, even easier to defend them, when you are down and desperate. It is so insane to me that the lower I go, the more I try to defeat myself by eating crap, drinking massive amounts of coffee, drinking no water, not stretching or even doing the bare minimum to be nice to myself. So gross how shitty I treat myself.
I am going to put myself up on the priority list a bit and take the little steps everyday to take me where I want to go. Feels good to say that, looking forward to living it. A succesful person starts today, right now, a junkie always starts tomorrow
jwookieone 
“…self-doubt, harsh critiques…”
Been there, done that. One of the greatest life lessons I learned is…self-compassion.
Hang tough, man…you’ll get yourself to place with more positive energy and vibe. You didn’t get to where you currently are overnight, you won’t get to a better place overnight either. The only way is to take small steps, improve slowly. Modifying one’s cognitive thought process is a journey…
I just turned 55 last fall and it took me almost this long in life to learn a few things. 🙂
Be well, dude…and pedal on!
Thanks RCK!
We all have a road to travel, not always easy to chose which way or to know what is going to work. It is hard, but I keep learning and growing, I do get lazy and just want to be at peace. I tend to learn best “in the shit” but man it sucks! Getting tougher and keeping all that compassion in my heart is where I’d like to be.
Take care, thanks for the words
Jefe
Mate, I hear you. While I am nowhere near your level of rider, I have in the past been the best I can be. After almost a year of Covid induced Leave Without Pay from my regular job and working shit jobs to make it through, I am finding the self defeating voices have been getting the upper hand. Thankfully a good mate dragged my ass out for a sub 24 overnight bikepack last night. I was weak but F#ck, it was good.
I will get my shit in one sock and get back to riding. I need to.
I know you can do it too. Best of luck from “down under” Jefe.
Davey,
Good to hear from ya.
Life has a way if getting at all of us, how we recover and with what attitude is up to us. It really hurts tho, when we are doing good and get slapped down.
Keep getting out there, your mate had the right idea. Every minute I spend outside moving makes me feel better, the more the better, and if it is even remotely getting me closer to my goals, great!
Celebrate the little victories and keep trying. Yesterday was bleak sort of day for me, but I am gonna rally today!
Take care and keep moving!
Jefe
Likewise mate. 😉