Damn it, I got sick. Nothing crazy just the usual crud. Luckily I’m fairly healthy much of the time. But it comes around and gets most of us from time to time. Thing is I suck at it. I get twitchy and impatient. I get aggravated not ticking things off of my stupid long to do list. For someone who excels at suffering discomfort, it is amazing how crabby and grumpy I get when I’m ill.
Yet I must say, I always learn something when I’m sick. Like any change in perspective, it makes you see everything a bit different. Especially appreciating the wonder of feeling good! It takes the dumb stressful things and makes them seem silly, why worry about that everyday, if you feel good, why bring it down with worry? With so much suffering out there already, why bring it on yourself?
I’m great at over thinking, worrying, stressing myself out. So talented I am! Yet after a couple days of being forced to take it easy, when I simply can not do anything on that list, I read, I sleep,(I blow my nose and cough too) but I slow the F down. I swear there’s less teeth grinding, more relaxing thoughts, more possibilities popping up in my head.
Here and now, I feel more at peace with my life. The judgements of others that I tend to endlessly scrutinize myself with, seem less important, more remote. I feel more in love and in touch with the good things that surround me, my cool job, my supportive friends, the wonderful woman in my life. I am much less agonized inside about missing out on riding and racing. Patience is tangible, not completely elusive.
Like any separation from normalcy, reality, whatever you want to call this recess from the regular operation procedures, I wonder if the perspective will last. And if so, how long? No matter, the reminder here, I believe, is to keep moving, shaking, dancing about, so that stagnation does not take root. Keep living, keep dreaming, never stop shifting places, so that the perspective is alive, not pigeon holed in one dormant place. I need to keep this going and keep negativity at bay, it has never really helped me no matter how I cling to it.
Live, Love, Breath. Keep growing no matter what the obstacles. Our own futures and the future of this world depend upon it.