Sometimes I wonder if I really am weird or if I just absorb more of what goes on everyday. For I just can’t stop thinking, questioning, wondering. Leaving me in this thought trance, helplessly clinging to feeling the emotion of the previous moment, unable to walk on and be in the present. Things can be so good, so right, so damn perfect and then I mess it all up with my own head. And all I want is to let go of it and be free, to feel. I mean knowing you want something and being unable to actually let go and experience it makes you feel kind of powerless, sort of pathetic. Now disappointment hangs heavy on my head, when I could be flying up in the clouds, beyond.

Luckily the rest of the day is about bike riding. Riding bikes in the woods, up into the mountains along some sweet trails. Still distracted by my thoughts, regrets, the lingering sadness within myself, I am not all there on the bike. Railing corners, cleaning some climbs, feeling the sweat and ache of the body pedaling away, feels so good, so right, but still not as crisp and clean with my head stuck up my ass.

Sometimes I truly wonder if I am being challenged. I mean is it my calling to always be in doubt, stuck in thought, regretful about my actions and decisions. Why not simply revel in the joy, accept the good and bad and move on instead of this constant self critique. Perhaps it is my desire to try, to always do better, to seek the impossibility of perfection. Sounds like an ok idea, but living it sucks. Sometimes I simply wish to be happy and satisfied and drop this terribly insistent thinking, questioning, doubting and just be.

Still stuck in my head and hoping to cleanse myself I GO ride some more. Dirt roads, one trail, more dirt roads, some pavement. Solo, just me and the bike. The flowers are jumping out of the green hillsides, the mountains glow with summer growth and the remaining snow. It is trying to rain, almost but not quite. Smoke fills part of the sky from the raging wildfires not too far away. I am still stuck in my thoughts, but the ride feels good. I hammer the climbs pushing myself pretty hard. I stop and take pictures of the flowers. I think about how lucky I am. I think about the wildfires and the folks fleeing their homes and working hard to fight the flames. They are dealing with far more serious things than I. I feel silly dwelling on my shit, my petty personal shit. But I just can’t let go of my melancholy, what a dumb thing this is, somehow I simply can’t shake it off. Not sure how this could make me a better person, or improve my life, but I know I will get through it. Just got to keep getting out there, pushing, trying, sweating, for nothing heals like exercise. Plus it gets me out there seeing the life that grows, strives and persists around me, and that is not weird at allImage

Sunday Wonder

This may seem a shock but this morning I slept in. Milling about not trying to accomplish much, but simply hang out. Still walked the dogs a bit, ate breakfast, drank a coffee. But mostly chilled, it was nice.

Finally get my shit together and out for a ride shortly after 1:PM, it is already hot and windy. I don’t know for sure where I am going, what the target is for the ride. Just point my front tire up Gold Basin Road, turn it into the Hartman’s parking lot and up Jack’s Trail. By the top of Jack’s I have a plan, Aberdeen. Haven’t been out there yet due to my Growler obsession and I love that loop.

I took it real easy yesterday on the bike and that meant today could be a good, long hard ride. So I keep the pedals cranking, the handlebars pumping, the wheels rolling and hopping along. I can not pass up the opportunity to take some pictures as the flowers are going off.  So many kinds and colors popping up all over, visually vibrant and deliciously distracting, I just can’t help myself.

I don’t fully open it up, but keep the pace flowing. My legs feel great, with a little shout here and there of complaint, but mostly they are as happy to be cranking as I. My mistakes were leaving the house a bit dehydrated and only taking two bottles. Maybe I thought this would keep me from riding too far? It is hot, dry and windy and soon bottle one is gone. I try to only sip from bottle two, but soon it too is gone and I am out there! Luckily it starts to cloud up a touch, yet when a fork in the road comes up, I decide to ride more not less, it’s not that hot? Still the legs obey and keep up a good pace, just singing along answering every climbing call with their duet response. And the flowers stay strong and gorgeous keeping my smile company.

Sketchily surfing some cattle driven moon dust, I hit pavement and head home. I put my nose down and grind out the last ten or so miles with almost all the legs have left. I feel like I am flying and it feels so good. My mouth is dry and stuck shut, but everything else is humming along. I stop at the Gunnison White Water Park and dive under. I hop out and dive back in. The cold fresh water energizes me and it feels so good! Once again I am amazed and grateful to be able to ride my bicycle the way I do and where I am able to do it. Big Thanks to all, now get out and ride!ImageImageImageImageImageImageImage