It is a fine line, like so many things. There are times when I feel like I can’t handle looking at one more damn social media post…
It is hard, as I tend to find a nugget here and there that inspires me, makes me want to get back to the grind of training, the joy of dreaming and planning and the tough road of trying to save money.
The other side, the side that makes me want to put the damn phone down, is the Fear of Missing Out, FOMO. Seeing folks going on vacation, traveling all over to ride and race bikes. The envy of seeing new bikes that will not be coming home here any time soon. All the things I wish I was doing, now, right now.
Such is life, sure is, I get that. It is my time to take a step back and deal. But I hate it. I am not perfect. I am envious. I want to travel and race. I want to go to the desert and camp, ride, repeat. Instead I walk. I have never been so thankful for my legs and my feet and when I forget that the rest of the world is riding and racing, it seems all good. But I want more and them damn posts about the Sedona, Alaska, Tucson, Idaho, Moab, just make me nuts.
Good news is my hand is getting stronger everyday. Monday I get a check up, hopefully a removable cast, and the green light to start PT. Time is passing, bones are healing, sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m getting crazier…. Then I loose perspective and things get dark. I see no exit to this tunnel. I have medical bills rolling in. I have no idea when I’ll be able to ride, much less when I can think about racing again. It all weighs on me too much at times. I really miss chasing my dreams.
So I keep taking in the sunrises and sunsets. I spend a lot of time walking the dogs. I am dreaming of racing next winter. I am trying so hard to stay positive and looking forward. There is still much to be done, it is very trying to be forced to wait. To those that give me inspiration, your energy is appreciated now more than ever. Thanks!!!