Been a while. Sure has. There are things on my mind, thoughts that have inched around in my head. Many should have become blog posts, but didn’t. I miss writing, sharing, getting my random thoughts and experiences out there. In this silly world of technology it is difficult to keep up with everything. My third hand lap top started to lose full keyboard function. My shared internet connection is wildly inconsistent and has dropped lots of writing, pictures and my patience. Frustrating isn’t strong enough a word to describe how it irks me.
Then there is my taxed out energy levels. Somedays I just don’t have any thing left in the tank after a day of work, or a bike ride. It has been a challenge to say the least. Dealing with the lack of spark and spunk that I can usually con jour up to get out the door, or burn bright to stay up late and write it all down. Instead I am whupped, tired, drained and wondering if that high level of energy will ever come back. Not only am I feeling exhausted a good bit of the time, but my dreams of the next thing are just not there and with it the drive to keep getting after it. Without my wild dreams of the next big adventure and the energy to pursue it, I feel lost.
Life is still good. I have a few lingering issues from the TD, but overall I am quite healthy. Work is good. My friends are amazing. I’m on the best team in the world. I get to ride super incredible bikes. I still live in one of the best places on earth. I get out for short rides and dog walks several times a week. I am grateful for these things, they really do make me proud and happy. Still I am unsettled. I am confused. I linger in bed on perfect sunny mornings. I go to sleep while full moons rise. I am not training, stretching, working out and I am sore, stiff and beat up. It feels weird, unnatural, so not me.
All leaves me wondering where I will settle in. Will the drive for ultra racing return? Will I simply close this chapter of my life and move on? I am trying to let the balance find itself and yet I want to tip it one way or the other and rekindle my passion. For now I console myself with being normal and lucky….but that just isn’t quite enough. Silly World Indeed.