I almost thought I was done with this race, this ride, this obsession.
It is back. I have Tour Divide fever, the need burning inside me.
Did some number crunching the other night with a friend, damn this race is expensive. Between the bike, the gear, the time off, the dog sitting, the recovery time when I get done. It ends up being something like a a fifth of my yearly income. Damn. All for one race, what I hope will take two weeks or there about.
My friend thinks I should seek some crowd sourced help to make it happen. The thought makes me very uncomfortable.
The whole thing makes me wonder about the choices I make, the dreams I get so tightly wrapped up into. Life could be so much easier, if my dreams were not so big, if even my simple life was not so complicated.
Last time I raced the Divide I ended up living out of my truck for 3 months, I was that broke. Now I have two dogs, even being homeless is not so easy.
Lots of choices still to make. Not only things like which GPS to take and such, but how to balance my drive with my reality. Sometimes it frustrates me to no end that my dreams have inevitable price tags and I have no money. Still I am reminded of a time in my life when I had no dreams, no drive, no desire and no money!
Thank the universe for my big difficult dreams, life is much better with them than without. Somehow I will find a way, somehow….