Yesterday I threw myself a bachelor party. Just me and my Walty single speed with miles and miles of trails and roads ahead of my front tire. It was so gorgeous out there, the flowers and hillsides sang with the glory of summer. The weather was fairly solid with only a bit of rain drops and dark sky obscuring the otherwise a perfect blue glow. The trails were mostly dry and clear, with only a handful of other users out there. Damn near perfect conditions for a big one.

Still it was a tough day.

Turns out only riding consistently once a week doesn’t do much for ones fitness. My mind knows how to make this body work, so I got it done, but oh how it hurt. My legs were filled with lead, hot burning lead. My back was filled with rocks that only got sharper and sharper with every climb and descent, and my hands became clumsy and painful blocks of flesh with all the rowdy trail riding. Choosing my single speed may not have been smart, but once this ride came to light I started craving simplicity.

I have been burning to ride big and long, I do miss the time to get on the bike and ride all day. There is such wonderful meditation to be found out pedaling your bicycle for hours and hours on end and nothing brings all my mental loose ends together like a lot of saddle time. It was a great day to contemplate and reflect on this crazy life and the many changes, ups and downs that are coming at me. In the normal everyday existence I tend to get frustrated and end up feeling restrained and unable to keep everything that has changed in perspective. Getting way out there, all by myself, and putting a bit of suffering into the mix, really brings a whole lot of clarity to my head.

The result is a whole new appreciation for this life I am living. I am so incredibly excited to get married this coming Saturday to my best friend. I am overwhelmed with joy and wonder; watching, learning, teaching, and growing with my daughter. Its hard to find the right balance, its is also hard to let go of the old former life. I do miss these long all day solo rides, I used to do them quite often. Yet yesterday on my ride, I missed my family. I could picture Lilly’s laughing face, I could hear Rach singing sweetly to her. I loved being out there, pressing my body hard against my limits, feeling the raw power of being outside, taking in the mountains, but I could hardly wait to get home and see, hear, and touch my loved ones.

Life isn’t easy and finding the right balance is a challenge that might never feel completed. Sometimes it is exhausting how much work it is to keep things on an even keel and out of the red. Much like love, life isn’t ever gonna be easy, the task is never done, it is constant effort, work, and dedication that keeps in going in a positive direction. Hot Damn it is sometimes so Hard! And sometimes its a party you throw for yourself, alone out in the woods.