Crazy how frustrating progress can feel. All the work that goes in and sometimes tiny microscopic changes result. It is hard to stay focused and keep working, when the effort seems fruitless. Months of average, doesn’t do much to inspire.
I’ve been feeling pretty stunted with the rate of my recovery. Even though my hand is healed nicely and on track for what a Four Corner Fusion should look like, I have been wondering if I’ll ever race again. My hand tends to get sore after working all week and sewing in between. The soreness lingers for days after pretty easy and short rides.
It is hard for me to sit out even one season, I usually need a carrot of sorts to keep me motivated and willing to go to work. Otherwise the whole deal just seems like work, I need that big thing to keep me thinking forward, staying positive, doing good. Instead, I just get grumpy and sad. So with a dominant hand that can’t be trusted how does one plan for a big trip? There is no known. There are only questions. Nothing gets planned and it seems impossible.
Today I broke through. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I took a buddy out to ride a bit of the CT off North Pass. If you know the Cochetopa Hills, then you know what I’m talking about. If you don’t know them hills, let me tell you they are rough, rocky and loose, (some folks say it is haunted too.) It is not easy riding, it takes skill, strength, and effort to keep a bike moving forward and on that trail. Today I rode that shit. It still ached a bit and my legs are terrible, but I could ride!
I feel like so many doors opened back up today. I feel like making plans to do something big sometime relatively soon. I no longer feel trapped holding on to so many fears and unknowns. I can hardly wait to go ride again!