Sometimes the world we wake up to seems broken. Everything seems a little wrong, skewed sideways, a little backyards. The light switches are all upside down, the coffee tastes like tea, the tires keep going flat. Or it is 34* and raining. In Gunnison, in November.

Since we all come from different places, I imagine this experience isn’t the same for everyone, but I would guess that we all get it once in a while. Like the weird ass dream we were having, clung on for dear life and is now mixing dream and reality. Nothing seems quite right.

There have been more than a few of these 34* and raining days for me lately. Days that turn to ugly depressing messes that would have been better left un-made. Yet we don’t retreat, we move on, grow, toughen up between the tears and keep trying. Man it sucks, but I forget all too often, that life can be easy, but not mine. Tough choices are key to moving forward, there is just too much to do to go back to bed.

We are not islands. This is so true, we all inspire and infect those around us. I forget that one has to let go of the crap and embrace the glow. I am often surrounded with wonder, grace, and love, and still I wallow in my muck. It is hard to keep your head up, it takes work to move forward and let go of the crap. It is easy to forget, to sink inside, and not evolve.

my pups, sometimes they make me crazy, sometimes they remind me to live in the moment.

I went into this past weekend grumpy. My head was a muddled mess of politics, self doubt, and some serious FOMO. I wouldn’t let go of the things that were making me sore. I dwelled on them until my brain was swimming in that junk.

Somehow I awoke from my lingering and grumpy dream. I opened my eyes, and once again, there before me was the patient and constant love of Rachel, and the glowing wonder of the place I call home. Things that are here surrounding me, but that I am sometimes unable to see, to recognize, and appreciate. While we can not run away from the sometimes harsh realities that face us, we must never forget to smile. We can never stop loving the world we live in and the people that surround us.

It might be 34* and raining, in November, in Gunnison. I swear it is a sign that things are not right, not at all with this world. There is much hard work and many tears ahead of us, but we can’t let go of empathy, love, and forgiveness, without them we lose too many things that make us humans worth having around.

Peace and Love to All!

I am so used to burning the candle that comes with too many ideas, too many rides left to do, too many races still in my head. I have to admit I thrived on all that work, planning and dreaming that makes it all happen. My usual condition of one more thing to do, has been muddled and confused.

This present state of less than 100% has kicked my ass. Mentally it has crushed me. The past few months I feel like I have been pulling back on everything that has made me tick in the past. The passion for riding, racing and pushing boundaries has been so instrumental in keeping me moving forward, staying positive, and focused, has been subdued.

Still I keep trying…and finding light!

Despite the aching pain that shoots through my hand and up into my arm, I keep getting out there and riding. In fact I have been riding a day or two more every week. It is simply amazing how good it feels to be out there. Swishing through the single track, jumping over rocks, pumping the rollers. Bike riding is so damn good for me!

The magic of all this is when I stop thinking about what I can’t do(right now), I am so happy to be riding at all. So stoked to be out there in this amazing world, with my wonderful friends, riding awesome bikes on fantastic trails. It is beyond words how great it is.

Bottom line is I am still living and learning. Every time we get up out of bed and take on the day, we win. It is something I forget easily and need to experience to remember. That and not everyday do we get to climb a mountain, or go on an epic ride, or set a record. Life sometimes kicks us in the teeth and we have to recover and regroup, but we should never give up!

Get out there any way you can. Live, Love, and Be Good!!!

Funny how a blog is a reflection. Of course it is a reflection of what we put out there for the internets to see, feel, read. For me and this blog, at least recently, it has been very quiet. Not that I have dropped off the face of the earth, or even stopped doing what I do. Just that what has gone on and down, hasn’t been what I was feeling as sharing type stuff.

Thing is this blog is all about Stoke. All about replaying the events and experiences that give me fuel, energy, inspiration, and sharing that desire with the few willing to read what I have bothered to write down. I want to share in order to inspire others to find their outlet, their passion and give it everything they have. That is the point. Lately I have been squandering in a mess of depression, lost vision, and low energy, thus no posts.

I’m looking and thinking forward, or at least trying to. Another big back drop to all this lacking, is an old, old ignored injury. I broke both my wrists way back when I was 15. One of them, my right and favored hand, never healed quite right. Not to mention I was a reckless snowboarder for a time and then I got into endurance mountain biking….needless to say I have beaten my whole body down over and over. For years I have milked the declining mobility of my hand/wrist. I saw a Dr way back in 2011 before my first Divide ride, and he suggested surgery, and soon! But the damn thing still worked and surgery scares the shit out of me….so I milked it and milked it….

For years, literally years I told myself, while deep into a multi day race, “just this last race, then I swear I’ll get it fixed, just this last race…” Well I never did get it fixed and now it hurts. It doesn’t just hurt when I race, or when I hit something wrong or funny. It doesn’t just hurt after a long hard ride, or a tough day of work. It Just Hurts. All The Time. I don’t ride much these days, just 2-3 days a week. I am not signing up for races, I can’t lie and keep doing that anymore. And that hurts almost as much.

So there are some facts, some reality I hoped to avoid myself. I am going to have to get surgery. Hoping to get insurance figured out and get the damn thing fixed up around the first of the year. It is a long road from there too, 6-12 months to recover and lots of PT. I am not stoked, I am scared and depressed beyond words. I miss racing. I miss training. Shit, I miss riding so much that I am crying. I knew this was coming and still I feel so exposed and unprepared for the reality of not riding and racing for what might be another year?!

There you have it. Reality can sometimes bite, and chomp down hard. But as someone wise said to me recently, “we all do our time” being injured, being sick, being forced to take time off. We all do, I have done some time in the past and I knew this was gonna get me someday….just that looking that day in the eye is unnerving and terrifying. I am trying to bring some stoke back into my awareness, into my energy, and back into my life. But it is hard. It is so hard to let go of what I love to do, even if for just a while.

Keep getting out there, keep finding the next adventure, the next unknown and please keep that Stoke alive!!!