I really do try and keep a peaceful and even keel with every aspect of my life. Like anybody else, there is some dirty laundry piled in a corner in my head. I am not perfect or pure of thought and I am too often envious of what others seem to be able to pull off.
Thing is, I want more. More bikes, more riding, more training, more racing. Right now there is a clock ticking and all my crazy ideas are getting stale sitting on the back burner. My body is getting older and a bit more tired and I want to get out there before I’m too used up to be competitive. Making it happen is the crux that has frozen me in my tracks.
There are some big races that pull me, always in my head, always reminding me that I haven’t been there and done that. This nagging keeps whispering in my ear at the same time that this balancing act of keeping a roof over my head, food in the fridge and still chasing my dreams is a kicking my ass. In the past with my fanatical obsession leading the way, all else was sacrificed in order to make it to the start line. I almost always return home completely broke and right back to work in order to get by. It has worked for many years, I have raced well and scratched out a meager living. But that bare bones style has taken a toll, I’m starting to feel the effects of burning my candle at both ends…and there is still much to do.
I manage to get my head back on straight and focused on what I can do, and then I see another post on Facebook and I lose my grip. Seems like some folks just live the dream. Riding, training, racing, traveling all over the place, all the time. I try to stay in my zone and not think about what everyone else is doing, yet between social media and my ever curious mind, it becomes impossible to ignore. I keep plugging away, doing my thing, I really do want more.
Hard work will get you there and I continue to work my butt off. Yet with an industry that seems only interested in pushing “Enduro” and if the media does pay attention it is celebrating the few who are already hooked up. It is like a slap in the face. How does one get more support when this is the situation? How does one take weeks, even months off of work without support? How can anyone compete with people who ride, train and race all the time?
When it all boils down and my head stops spinning, I can find peace with this life. I have wonderful friends, awesome bikes, an amazing backyard. I am lucky enough to have dreams that burn so brightly inside me. I am still pretty damn healthy. I will keep racing, adventuring, taking in the sunsets and sunrises, and making friends as long as I can. I have to keep in mind that there will always be a massive pile of laundry that needs a washing, I simply must concentrate on dirt that is mine.