The past couple days found me worked over by a cold. I am not a pleasant sick person, I’m grumpy, cranky and sleep all damn day long. I just hate being ill. There are so many things to do and now I’m taking a few days to do essentially nothing. One thing is it does slow things down and make my thoughts grow quietly longer, softer.
The TD is always somewhere in my thoughts, something so encompassing just doesn’t fade away. Recently it has come back up to the surface, risen right on up there, bringing me to make plans, write down lists, face the reality of training soon. In some ways it like a task left undone or a test that could be aced instead of simply passed. There are some nagging elements to the desire to return. Today out walking the dogs, my head stuffed full of congestion I was struck with a feeling of joy. Pure joy rose out of my core making me feel a radiant flow of energy. I Want This!
No ifs, ands or butts about it. A SingleMindedNess has sunk into place. Something close to obsession is taking root inside my being. Maps, lists, gear, bike parts, lights will all bounce about endlessly in the pursuit of perfection. I am going forth with a focus that will be beyond any other preparation I’ve done before.
Even so, this year’s race has taught me much. The real lesson I’m taking from 2014 and moving forward with is to let it happen, to be in the moment, to relax and love every second of the experience. I was tight with fight and not able to chill out this year, I was so focused on winning, on records, on times, minutes, hours, days and they all became advesaries. I am seeking flow and to love it all. That is a SingleMindedNess I am excited to live.