Sometimes, sometimes I would trade it all to be superhuman. Able to follow my plan every time. Not getting carried away and drinking too much, not hitting snooze and missing the chance to get out there, not staring at the computer screen half asleep instead of riding my bike. I hate being tired. I hate being lazy. I can hear my bike whispering about the hero like dirt waiting out there….I can also hear the softness of my bed lulling me to sleep some more. Ahh Fudge I did it again…
For the rest of the day thoughts of being soft and lazy beat against the inside of my brow. Why didn’t I just go for a ride, even an hour, it would have been so good. The other side of thinking insists that I needed the morning off, for fuck sake you’ve got enough freaking miles in! I know, I really do know that rest is important, soooo important. Thing is I don’t want rest, I want action, I want fresh air, I want to pop both wheels off the ground and giggle about how good it feels. I want to see the sunrise, the sunset, I want to see it all. Damn it, I don’t want to even need rest!
Just can’t let go of this dream of finding some path to superhuman powers. All too often I catch myself thinking, “What did I miss in my training? What if I stopped drinking beer? What if I ate good All of the time? Stopped drinking coffee? Didn’t work so damn much?” Then would I find the secret, the magic ticket? Or would I just keep finding more What If’s?
I don’t want to say no to more adventure. I’m sitting out the CTR for the only the second time since it began and is kinda killing me. I want to go ride Fossil Ridge, Doctor’s Park, Teo Ridge, Cataract on the CT, I want to race the CTR damn it! I don’t want to recover, I don’t want to be smart! I want to ride, I want to race, I want to shed this human skin and do it all.
Have to admit that I am so very human. I am tired, my legs are swollen and stiff, one of my feet still hurts. I am so far from perfect, so far from superhuman, I am always hungry, I didn’t eat enough veggies today, I just love drinking beer, I want love and company and honestly I’m a little tired of training. Still in my mind I want to rise up and be as strong as I wish to be. To follow my ideals, my dreams, my visions with 100% of my heart.
Why can’t the amazing visions found in sometime, be present all the time?
Walking to work this morning at 4am, the stars were just awesome. I wanted so badly to ditch responsibilities, and walk and watch the sky. Things are rough all over. ❤
Oh I know I’m not alone and it is part of why I write it in a semi-public forum like this. The feeling and emotional roller coaster of this life is something else to experience. But it hits us all differently and I think we all should share how it effects us=better understanding. Think it is important to store up the desire to watch the stars, go on adventures, test the limits, get out there and soak it up, so that we never miss a chance to live out those dreams when we can.
Reading your thoughts of not wanting to train, drinking too much beer, not eating enough veggies…I was feeling the same today, beating myself up a bit. I think you are superhuman so now I feel better. Thanks for sharing.
We can only try! I am not superhuman, trust me, I have so many weaknesses it hurts.
Thanks for reading, get after it tomorrow!
Be well and train on,