Overcoming Fear and Frustration….

chasing my shadow

chasing my shadow

Last night I went out for an evening ride. I was tired. It was a long and busy week, yesterday was a long busy day. Still I Was Going For A Ride! I missed a training ride mid week due to a few too many birthday beers. Despite feeling tired, lazy and a bit frustrated I rode, I did my scheduled hill repeats even when my legs screamed loud enough to make my lungs hurt. Getting stuck in the moment it was hard to not get more frustrated why does it hurt so much after all this training? Doubts slipped in under the radar, fear reared up inside my heart. All left me wondering if I am ever going to be fast, smooth, strong, that maybe I should give up all this “pushing the limits” crap and chill out….

Today I went for a road ride with a friend. We pushed against a stiff headwind all the way up to Crested Butte. My legs ached pushing over every rise, with every gust of intensified wind doubt was there waiting for weakness. Mean while my riding partner for the day talked and talked all the way up. Maybe it was my fully loaded mountain bike, with gear, clothes, food, water and bags to carry it all. Maybe it was the long week that had me feeling slow.

the clouds threatened...still it was sunny and short sleeves....

the clouds threatened…still it was sunny and short sleeves….

Luckily there was some justice, as once we turned around putting the wind at our backs we were flying back down the valley to Gunny. It was a pretty good ride, but pretty good wasn’t enough for me today. I rode on farther south climbing up Gold Basin, feeling more at home on the slow gravely dirt than the pavement of the past few weeks. The road lead me to to new and different places than usual. The dirt called to me to keep riding, keep looking, learning…exploring.

big sky country

big sky country

I eventually hit mud and snow and the bottom of my food for the day. With the sun high in the sky and desire still burning in my heart I somewhat reluctantly turned and headed home. Pushing big gears into that same headwind. My legs felt every effort. My stomach growled for more food. My back tightened up enough to remind me the day was already long enough. Today I could sense there was more punch in my legs, more power in my core and still more drive inside me. And that is an amazing feeling and couldn’t come at a better time. There are bigger days ahead, I can hardly wait to see them…..

the open road begs to be explored....

the open road begs to be explored….

 

 

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