You Must Exercise the Demons

Today I got out, outside, walked around, felt the sun radiate upon my skin, felt my body work hard enough to sweat. It was a simple snow shoe outing, stomping out some trail for fat bike race tomorrow. I believe all experiences are life changing, yet today it felt like so much more, more significant, it was so needed, it was so refreshing.

I spent the last four plus days leveled by some illness, crushed completely. I spent most of those 100 hours in bed, sleeping, groaning, feeling terrible and assuming the worst as far as what had gotten hold of me and brought me crashing down. I was feeling lucky when I got to read, or get out of bed, surf the internet or make food. I even squeaked out a couple very short pathetic walks with the dogs. But always I fell back into bed, toast, drained. I slept for hours all day, I slept all night. Tired, bored and sort of miserable.

It is amazing to me how important exercise is, to my life, to my sanity. I get stir crazy if I don’t get out to do something. Pretty much everyday I need to feel the wind against my face, my blood pumping, my life then put back into order. It has been a long while since I have really taken any sort of break from this daily routine. I take days off and all that, but not really. I have two crazy dogs that need walks, at least two a day. I ride my bike to work, to get coffee, to the store. Even on the days off I move about in the wind, snow and sun.

Now with the elevated level of training going on, it has become a daily and sometimes multiple times a day thing. I think I have gotten so wrapped up in doing this and that all the damn time, while dreaming of love, working two jobs, dealing with dogs,that I lost a bit of perspective. I went to Arizona last weekend and was tired, perhaps feeling the oncoming illness creeping up and I didn’t really ride that much in the hot sunny desert. It felt weird to not charge out there and crank in a bunch of miles. Almost felt guilty. I thought about that a lot as I laid in bed all day, completely exhausted, for day after day. What is wrong with me, am I burnt out?

Today showed me the truth. The deep rooted desire that burns inside my guts, inside my heart. I may lose sight of why at times. The need is there. The stoke is there. I am still ever so super charged on my dreams, I will chase them as far as I can. Being outside, surrounded by the sun, the wind, the air, snow drifts, the almost hidden sage brush, made me feel so alive. Ready for the challenges that lie ahead, taking them one at a time, not all at once. The past four days really kicked my ass, made me wonder why, why keep trying? Cause working hard to even get a chance to live your dreams, is worth every effort, every damn one. Thank you Universe, thank you.  

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