I’ve done a few pretty big races. From my experience the bigger the race the longer I feel weird, sad and empty afterwards. During these monster death marches one is out there for days on end, battling heat, cold, thunder, rain, lightening, lots of dicey situations where a mistake could put you in a world of hurt, maybe get ya killed. It gets the blood pumping, the adrenaline soaring, the whole fight or flight reaction keyed up to a razor’s edge.
Then it is over. You party, celebrate a bit and then that is over and all becomes terribly quiet, serene. I tend to eat too much, drink too much, once upon a time smoke too much…anything to fill the void that is left wide open after being down right over-filled. Back to reality, work, paying bills, talking to people, peeing in a toilet, watching your language. Ah the real world! I am usually a bit too tired to go out and exercise, to fill that void again. Stuck feeling drained, tired and not sure what to do next. Wondering if this life of adventure is worth it, why every choice is made around it, why are these events so important?
Staying positive and focused at this time is so hard, yet I know it will pay off. Or so I tell myself. Or perhaps it is time for a lifestyle change, time for the next dream vacation to be margaritas on the beach somewhere warm, sunny and half naked. Sounds good when suffering, but now it only paints the picture of someone else. Fact is time flows on, as it always does and the emptiness gets filled with more exercise, adventures, training, being with friends, planning the next event. The obsession and dedication to seeking perfection will return. For now it is a bit too much wandering around like a zombie not sure what to do with myself except have a few beers with dinner and lots of sleeping.