Early today the 2024 CTR sped off into the darkness of early morning. 70 riders all headed out with dreams in their heads and nerves ringing through their bodies. With the forecast looking wet, could be an epic one this year, but the CT dishes it out a plenty even in nice years, so the stories will tell…

The CTR is a labor of love, I love the Colorado Trail and the race has given me so many experiences that are such a part of me. That is why I do it, to give to this amazing possibility that is out there, to share it with others and to do the best we can to limit our impacts. It is work and it consumes my time and sometimes its just a bit too much answering another email, or getting someone set to track at the very last minute. It can be so frustrating when you really want to go ride, but you answer emails and edit tracks instead.

I miss the racing. I miss having that goal to keep me focused and moving. All the planning, even though exhausting, can be so satisfying when it works out. There is something about dedicating time to do something that is powerful. It is especially rewarding if you finish the damn thing, tired you may be, but full of knowing you did it.

Life is full. So Full. Work, so much working, owning a business is hard AF. Parenting. Husbanding. Chores, chores, projects, chores. The Dog. The House. The Garden. I want to do it all well, and that takes time. Right now it takes pretty much all my time. I tried really hard to keep riding, sort of training…almost, but it wiped me out and I didn’t ride for almost a month cause I was so tired and burnt out. That wasn’t good.

I kept the dream of being an athlete alive, I tried hard, I raced Hard, and always working hard too, years and years of all that has been taking a toll on me. Every year riding has less consistent, just so many priorities taking precedence. Thankfully my body still mostly wants to ride, just about the time and energy to do it. Without that consistency it is really hard to stay in shape and doing Ultras requires you to be in some kind of condition, or you just hurt yourself. It is a bitter pill I am not ready to swallow, but reality hit hard this summer, life just kicked my ass and I got nothing in the tank.

When my body doesn’t do what I ask it, I get super depressed. I ask a lot of it, but I still want it to fly when I ask it to fly. Think I asked a few too many times and now rest might be more of what is in my future. I hope I can find a happy place about it.